The Carpenter's Hand

He Reigns - The Song

2011-12-07T06:43:00.000+09:00

I recorded this last night for a friend of mine who is going through some hard times. It actually is a song I wrote in some very dark times for me a few years ago. I posted it about it here. The file is 24mb so might take a couple of minutes to download.

I can't believe its been a year since I have posted anything here. Working on my Masters has consumed pretty much all my spare time - leaving me little time to think, ponder and write. Not even sure if anyone is still reading this, but if you are ... maybe this will encourage you if you are in season of hard times.

I thought I would add an excerpt from my post on enduring seasons that explains a little of the "he makes me lie down" line ...
One of the things I have learnt over the past few years (and I am still learning it!) is what it means to trust God, stop fighting, lie down and submit. I’ll give you one last story to illustrate this point. When I was diagnosed with my tumour, things were spinning out of my control and I was really struggling. I had to go for an MRI and I did not know what to expect. I did my best to prepare but nothing I read, prepared me for the fact that when they did it, they would want to put a needle in my arm, insert a canula and inject dye. I am really needle phobic and need to psych myself up for things like that. At the MRI machine, none of them spoke English so it was even more of a drama. It might sound strange to you, but one of the hardest things for me was to have to lie down on that MRI machine and surrender control of my body to other people – especially people I could not communicate with. I was telling a friend about that and she spoke the following to me, “the Lord is my shepherd … he MAKES me lie down …” This made me think of my friend Frances. When we were growing up, she had a pet lamb named Thunder. She would pick him up and he would bleat and baa, and kick and struggle. She would flip him on his back and he would go completely limp and lie peacefully in her arms gazing adoringly at her face. Sometimes we are like Thunder. We don’t want to lie down, we kick and we fight. We struggle to gain control. Sometimes, all God is asking of us, is to lie down and surrender to the process … whatever that process is. Lie back in his arms and trust him completely.

Peace!

S

http://carpentershand.blogspot.com/2009/04/he-reigns.html

Hungry?

2010-12-06T01:37:00.002+09:00

Right now there is such a stirring in my heart … and I am hungry. I want more of God. There is a place in me that is not satisfied with anything but more of him … everything else … and I mean EVERYTHING else … is temporary and does not satisfy. As the writer of Ecclesiastes said … it is meaningless … a vapour … a puff of smoke and gone. But the one thing that remains is God. He is my constant in a world that’s shifting … my solid ground when I am adrift on an ocean … he is vision when I cannot see … the words when I am speechless … he is my breath … my life … my all. And I don’t have enough of Him. There is still too much of me …

I want to walk through this world leaving deposits wherever I go … I don’t want to be a taker … I want to be a giver. And I am stirring on things that have been in my heart and dormant for many years … I want to walk in his presence and know what it is to be his light in a dark world … that I would shine wherever I walk … that I would leave people with a taste of him that leaves them hungry for more. I know he wants that. I am feeling challenged to step higher, believe more and pursue with an attitude of expectation. How about you?

Have some Fun Giving!

2010-11-19T12:58:00.000+09:00

Meet Shaun Groves. He writes an excellent blog which I have been lurking on (reading and not posting ... - NOT stalking ;) ... ) for the past year or more. I really like his honesty about life, his heart for God ... his heart for his family and his desire and desire to make a difference in the world. He has raised a lot of awareness for Compassion.

Anyway Shaun is a musician and has in his heart to make a new record - which costs $$$! At present he is fundraising to make his new record and I just love his idea. And ... his heart comes through in terms of he is looking for fun creative ways to give back even as he is asking for support. LOVE IT ...

So my blog friends ... I wanted to encourage you to be a part of this ... just a little from a lot of us, goes a long way ... and how fun to be the answer to prayers from someone you don't even know ... VERY COOL.

Check it out here and be stirred to give a little and have fun :)

Peace

S

Thought For The Day

2010-11-17T22:21:00.000+09:00

Hi. I am in Romania right now ... and doing some thinking. Today I had a chat with a friend in Melbourne and we were discussing the things that we feel God has placed on our hearts ...

I have been reflecting on Korea and thinking how for me, in many ways, it has been nine years of stripping. Everything I was passionate and fulfilled in - stripped away. Many times over the years I have wondered why ... why am I in this country (Korea?). It seems a paradox that God would take us from somewhere where we were feeling fulfilled and used and then strip us ...

Friday night, I was in a car driving to Brasov for the weekend and had very long talks with a new friend all the way up and back (well ... she mainly talked and I listened) ... and I talked to her about how one of the things that I had learnt during a time of stripping and being in a somewhat dry place, was the importance of being able to dig my own wells.

So how do my friend in Melbourne, reflecting about Korea and driving to Brasov all tie together?

My friend in Melbourne referred to a conference where she was challenged and impacted by a speaker whom I looked up ... and I came across this - you join the rest of the dots!

Moses was the only one among the Israelites with any desert training. Prophets and pioneers always go through things ahead of time on bealf of themselves and the wider company of people. It was in his own exile that Moses developed his personal inner resources to learn how to live in a hostile environment. Our personal inner resources before God are then used by Him to develop the corporate inner resources of the company of people traveling with us.

People grumble and complain in the wilderness because they have no desert training, a poor relationship with God, and little trust in leadership. Moses represents the indwelling Christ in touch with the Holy Spirit. We must learn to live with and serve the “great I Am.” (Graham Cooke - Transition Pt 2.)

I am thinking ... how about you?

Life Within Life

2010-09-23T15:09:00.001+09:00

Meaningless! Meaningless!

says the Teacher.

Utterly meaningless!

Everything is meaningless!

(Ecclesiastes 1:2)

I used to find Ecclesiastes a bit of downer but I finally get it! Lately, as I have had time to think, I realised in me is a deep hunger ... a deep yearning for ... something. When I stop for just a moment, I can see the emptiness - and that emptiness ... that yearning is for God. Nothing else will fill that place. I am hungry and I am destitute without intimacy with God. Everything else is just a hollow shell, because it is God who inhabits, and brings life, purpose and meaning. The picture I have that relates to this state and this emptiness is from when my father died. I was with him when he passed and I remember thinking he is no longer there. His body was a shell and the very essence, the life, the core had gone. And this is how life is without God for me. It's all just a shell.

I have been privileged to see and experience wonderful things. I have travelled beyond my wildest dreams ... seen and done things that people only dream about. The places, the faces ... the experiences have been incredible and yet, none of it satisfies. Without God in it, it's all just a lifeless shell. I can understand why the writer of Ecclesiastes lamented that everything was meaningless. He had so much ... by world standards ... everything ... and yet he was hungry and unsatisfied.

The Hebrew for the word "meaningless" comes the world "hebel" which means breath. It can also mean vapour, and figuratively speaking, vanity. When I read this, it kind of blew me away because I had been thinking of the lifeless shell image. The Ecclesiastes writer got it exactly. Everything ... all the gold ... all the glory ... all the girls ... all of it was just a hollow shell without life. None of it would satisfy because there was no breath. And all of it, here and gone like a vapour. How like life this is. We run from experience to experience - it's here, and whoof! Gone ... vapourized.

What is the answer? Well lately, I have found myself singing an old Vineyard song ... and really it says it all ... you might want to sing it or pray it along with me.

Jesus, be the centre
Be my source
be my light
Jesus

Jesus, be the centre
Be my hope
Be my sun
Jesus

Be the fire in my heart
Be the wind in these sails
Be the reason that I live
Jesus, Jesus

Jesus by my vision
Be my path
Be my guide
Jesus

Taylor Swift and Kanye West - the Showdown!

2010-09-19T21:41:00.005+09:00

Picture sourced from

http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/61620/20100913/taylor-swift-absolves-kanye-west-in-mtv-vma-2010.htm

Last weeks MTV VMA awards have left me thinking a lot this week. I didn't actually watch them, but all over the news headlines in the buildup was speculation on what would happen between between Kanye West and Taylor Swift. For those of you that don't know, last September as Taylor was receiving the award for best female video, Kanye walked into her spotlight ... into her moment to shine, and said that Beyonce should have received the award. Wow. Imagine it. You are 19 and it's your moment and then someone tries to take that from you. What would you feel ... how would you feel? Public opinion was for Taylor and Kanye experienced major backlash in his personal life and his career. It rocked his world.

Fast forward to this year. Taylor and Kanye are both presenting songs at the awards. The media are in a frenzy and most speculation is that Taylor is going to skewer Kanye. He had acted terribly. The crowd are rooting for her. As I read this, I was saddened at the thought that this could happen - that Taylor could skewer him and have the support of public opinion behind her. Taylor was in a place of power. What did she do with it? She started her performance with a video flashback to last year and then she started to sing (and while it wasn't the best vocal, it was one of the most powerful things I have ever heard) ... check it out here and read the lyrics below:

I guess you really did it this time
Left yourself in your warpath
Lost your balance on a tightrope
Lost your mind tryin' to get it back

Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you?

It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent
You're still an innocent

There's some things you can't speak of
But tonight you'll live it all again
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
If only you would sing what you know now then

Wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?
And everything out of reach, someone bigger brought down to you
Wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep?
Before the monsters caught up to you?

It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent

It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent

Time turns flames to embers
You'll have new Septembers
Every one of us has messed up too

Lives change like the weather
I hope you remember
Today is never to late to
Be brand new

It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights are still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent

It's okay, life is a tough crowd
32, and still growin' up now
Who you are is not what you did
You're still an innocent

Stunning. Just stunning. The maturity of a twenty year old who can take her power and use it to offer forgiveness - to model grace. There in the place of his failure, in front of the place where he wounded her, the place where he fell from favor - she reaches out powerfully to Kanye and says, "I believe in you. You can be new. You can be different. I believe you are not where you've been and you are not what you did." Wow. What a stunning offer of hope and what a fantastic model of the grace we find in Christ. I believe in you. Who you are is not where you've been. Who you are is not what you did. I make all things new. I will wash you as white as snow. Your sins are forgiven. I remember them no more.

Huge contrast to Kanye's song where he just seemed to hate on himself more and beat himself up - albeit in a sarcastic manner. His view? Runaway from me ... I am nothing (except Kanye is a little more explicit than that).

I look at Taylor and how as a young twenty year old she handled this, and I look at Kanye - someone who has been in the industry a long time - a 33 year old man. How is it that they have such different approaches to this situation? What is in their hearts, in their heads to provoke such different responses? Kanye continued to self-flagellate and Taylor extends a hand of grace. And that hand of grace in such a public place is one of the most powerful things I have ever seen. I am grateful for the reminder of the hands of grace that have been extended to me in my life and I am forever grateful for THE hand of grace continually extended to me. I am praying that I also have hands that willingly extend grace and forgiveness. And it starts with us. Who we are is not what we did. Who we are is not where we come from. We all mess up ... start with the grace to forgive yourself. And so we pray, "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us ..."

I'm thinking ... maybe you are too.

Peace.

Walking in the Footsteps of the Saints

2010-09-13T17:32:00.004+09:00

Did they tell you stories
'bout the saints of old?
Stories about their faith?
They say stories like that make a boy grow bold
Stories like that make a man walk straight

(Rich Mullins - Boy like Me, Man Like You)

Having recently been wandering around in some great churches in England, I have been thinking about the saints of old and the crypts that many of those churches have. The beautiful thing of wandering around crypts is that you are walking around on graves of those who went before ... those who have passed on. They are part of the foundations and the path upon which you walk ... Stop, pause for a moment and think on that. The saints of old ... stories about their faith ... Stop, and think and be encouraged.

Hebrews 12
¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

The Message puts it beautifully ...
^1-3Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever.

Be encouraged that although you stumble and fall ... you have a great cloud of witnesses cheering you on ... cheering for you to run your race and to finish strong ... walking in the crypts and seeing the graves in the churches reminded me of the saints who have gone before. Much of what we have is because of the legacy they laid down. Those who have gone before us are not just the saints of old ... think of the legacies of faith in the people God brought into your life. Friends ... family ... those who have been running their race and running it strong ... be encouraged by their walks. You will find that they have the same thing in common as the great cloud of witnesses ... you will find it in Hebrews 12 vs 2 ... Let us fix our eyes on Jesus ...

Another beautiful thing about the old cathedrals is the architecture is designed to lift the eyes ...

The Psalmist had a bit to say about that in the opening of Psalm 121 when he said, "I will lift my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?". The point is not the hills ... the point is "I will LIFT MY EYES ..." or as Hebrews clearly lays out for us ... fix our eyes on Jesus.

Dwell on the rest of that Psalm (a Psalm of ascents) for a moment ...

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel

   will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,

   nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—

   he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going

   both now and forevermore.

We all stumble and fall and get muddy ... but when you do ... know two things from the cathedrals ... you have those who went before you ... also people who got muddy ... who fell ... who failed ... but pick yourself up! Lift your eyes ... take courage from the journeys of those who have gone before ... and finish strong.

Be. Still.

2010-06-26T02:42:00.002+09:00

"Be still and know that I am God"

Ps 46:10

The Message puts this scripture another way. "Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything".

Most of us are familiar with this scripture. But sometimes, we skim over without taking time to dig down deep and really know what it is talking about. Lets break it down and have a look.

Still - comes from the Hebrew word Raphah. This word means:-

to sink, relax, sink down, let drop; sink, relax, abate; relax, withdraw; to let drop, abandon, relax, refrain, forsake, let go; to be quiet.

Wow. There is so much in this one word. When I read the word "sink", I think of a load off, just sinking down and breathing out a long sigh, "aahhh" - the weight is off and I can stop.

The idea of abate and withdraw is also a strong one. This coming school year, I am on Sabbatical. This means I have a year away from work, (I will be continuing with my Masters study). So right now, I resonate strongly with those words abate and withdraw. I know for sure that this is a big part of what Sabbatical is about for me personally. I can't even describe how insane my life has been. This past year particularly so. Between working, studying and chairing our Dongdaewon campaign, I have reached the end of myself. I have nothing in me to give right now and I am running on empty. My tanks have not been this low for about 12 and a half years - when I finished my ministry internship. To have a year out of the madness is a gift, and not one I intend to squander. It is almost a detoxifying process for me.

I have been caught up of the mad roundabout of life ... spinning faster and faster. The roundabout has been a blur, the music is frenzied, there is a whine in the engine and smoke is billowing. And I, am empty. Completely empty. Right now, I don't even know how to draw close to God. He has never left, but I have never stopped and that busy-ness is seriously damaging to relationships, including our one with God.

This year is a time to be still ... a time to recharge and meet with my God. When I reach the end of my Sabbatical and look back, above all else, I want to be able to say that I was still and that I KNOW my God. I have a lot of thoughts sparking this morning on all of this, and I will be posting them here as i pick them apart over the days to come.

For now ... I am just going to sink and go "aaaahhhh".

Add One to the Faith Hall of Fame

2010-05-22T13:41:00.008+09:00

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. ⁴⁰God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

(Hebrews 11)

The heroes in Hebrews 11 weren't heroes because of their achievements. They were heroes because of their faith. Today there is a new hero in the faith hall of fame. Last night my beloved friend Claire went home to be with the one who loves us so much more than we ever could know. I have introduced Claire to you before on the blog. She was diagnosed several years ago with terminal liver cancer and God worked a miracle. Her story is here.

Not too long ago, I had an email to say her markers were up and they were concerned the cancer was back. Her liver was fine but they discovered she had adrenal cancer. Things weren't going too well. Several weeks ago, I awoke with an overwhelming sense that I needed to go home and see Claire, that she would not be around at Christmas (when I would next be home), so I took some personal leave and flew home. We had a great visit - several visits. I did not tell my friend I came home for her, as she was clinging to life and believing for healing. I had a strong sense that her time was short.

Claire to me, is one of the heroes of faith that Hebrews talks about. She saw the promise, she believed for healing. She knew God could heal, she chose to believe he would heal and she clung to him ... as the storms raged, she turned her face towards his ... as the waves shook, the ground trembled and more bad reports came ... she clung to her loved family, and she clung to Jesus. Claire saw the promise from afar, and died without having attained it.

Our last conversation was full of God ... full of love and full of grace. I could see that she wanted so desperately to live but my sense was God was calling her home. This past week as I would think of her and pray for her, I had a picture of two trapezes - the point where they come together and the trapeze artist moves from one trapeze to the next. However in my minds eye, I could see Claire with a hand on each trapeze ... clinging to life, her loved family ... and the other trapeze calling her away from them, to let go and go with God. I cannot imagine her journey. I cannot imagine what it is to be 39 years old with a husband you love, boys you love, a life that you love, and have to let that go. It seems premature, but maybe a month ago, I was comforted with the scripture in Phil 1:6 "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will see it through to completion in Christ Jesus". I felt that God was saying that when Claire's race was finished, his work would be complete. It is not premature. Her journey was complete. God's work in her was complete.

The thing with death is that it is a lonely journey. In Claire's case, she had huge support from her church and family ... but still in the end ... this transition is one that only each of us can walk. Our friends and family cannot make that walk with us until it is their time. As I meditated on that, I was thinking how it is not a journey we make alone. We have a saviour who walked that road. I thought of Gesthemane and how Jesus faced that journey ... he didn't want to go there either. He knew the difficulty of making that transition and has walked it. I thought of my friend and prayed that God would show her the way, walk beside her, ease her pain and help her to make the transition. I prayed that if God would not heal her, that he would ease her suffering and take her home. And God has. And I am sad.

That is the difficulty for those who are left behind. We grieve and we mourn and we have a huge hole. Please pray for Richard and James, Tom and Sam, along with their extended family and friends as they are left grieving the loss of their dear one.

I want to close with Claire's own words:

As I lay sick in my bed for months I simply reached out to God himself and He touched me. I sought the healer rather than the healing. I learnt to live in His presence and He comforted me. I knew joy in the midst of turmoil, peace that passes understanding and His love being poured out over my life ... God walked with me hand in hand. I communed with Him and entered into the ‘holy of holies’. When God walks with you, you have no fear. Even though I looked death in the face it had no sting, as the bible says. I had no fear of dying because I knew where I was going and who I was going to be with, if I was to die. Whether God healed me or not I would win.

Claire ... You won. You ran an amazing race. I thank you for the good times, for the love, for the joy of being with you on the mountaintops and the privilege of walking a tiny part of the way with you in the valleys. Run free my friend and enjoy being able to sit at his feet and gaze upon his face. He has you. We will miss you.

I See You

2010-02-03T06:45:00.000+09:00

There is a line in Avatar that gripped me when I heard it and has stayed with me since.

"I see you".

Selah. Pause and think about that for a moment in terms of us and God. Imagine him looking at you. Speaking your name. LOOKING at you. When he sees you, he sees you. Think about it like this:

I ... SEE you ...

I ... see you ...

I see ... YOU!

I bet you on the last one, if you paused to think, you also squirmed and immediately thought of all your short comings and failures. When God looks at you and I, he SEES us. All of us. That is all that he created us to be. The "what is now", and the "what is to come". That which we are, and that which we are yet to attain. He does not look at us and see what we have achieved and haven't achieved. He does look at us and identify us by our "doings". He looks at us and sees our "being" - that which he created us to be - in all it's fulness.

Currently we are reading John for bible study and as i was reading through Chapter 1, this concept gripped me. It's an overarching theme all through Chapter 1. In brief, lets see it in action ...

Start with Jesus ... John Ch 1:1-5 (very old Carman song runs in my head each time I say John 1 ... bad 80s thing ... you had to be there ... ). So we SEE Jesus. Who is he?

the Word
with God
was in the beginning
God
Creator
Life
Light
Overcomer

We are introduced to John the Baptist. He SEES Jesus.

witness to the light (and was so from in the womb when he recognised Jesus)
the revealer ... in vs 11 he saw Jesus ..."this is he ..."
sees Jesus as the lamb of God
sees God see Jesus ... picture that as the voice from heaven speaks ... "this is my son in whom I am pleased ..." God is speaking to Jesus. Hello ... I SEE you ...

In vs 40 we see Andrew running off to Peter saying he has found the Messiah. In other words, Andrew met Jesus and SAW him.

In vs 42, Jesus meets Simon and sees him. All of him ... in the rough! He looks at Simon and gives him a new name - Peter. Names in Jewish culture were very important. Your name said who you were. Simon Bar Jona means "He who hears with a heart to obey as a son

of the Spirit". Simon means "to hear". The place they believe Jesus taught this message is in a location of huge Bedrock which has a lot of little rocks around. It is a place where the locals used to worship the god 'Pan' (god of the shepherds) & the god Baal (god of fertility). Simon had to have spiritual hearing to have caught what Christ was saying. Are you hearing it?

Christ (the Rock) is the huge bedrock and Cephas or Peter (rock) is the portion of rock which comes from the bedrock. Jesus sees Peter ... the rock. Was he that yet? No ... but as Jesus looked at him, he saw all of him - that he was then and that which he would become - the rock hewn out of the bedrock. "Hello Peter. I see YOU".

In vs 47, Jesus meets Nathanael. His response to Nathanael is, "Ah. Here is an Israelite in whom there is nothing false." Nathanael is transparent to Jesus. "Hello Nathanel. I SEE you."

It's not just John 1 either. It's all through the Bible. Abraham and God talk. Abraham sees his barrenness. God sees him - the father of many. God meets Gideon. "Hello mighty warrior". Gideon is looking around saying, "er not me. Nope. I am from a weak family ... and I am the least of them". But God is saying, "I see you". Keep reading ... its everywhere!

So where does that leave us this morning? God sees us. He sees you. He sees me. He SEES us. In full 3-d living color. All of us ... width, breadth and depth. He sees that which we are and that which we have not yet attained. It is no different to him. It is us. The us he created us to be. We however, look in the mirror and see a hazy, blemished, cracked image. The we that we are not. Listen to that! The image is false. The cracks and blemishes are in the mirror not us. People, we need to change the mirror. We need to hold him before us and look at reflection in the mirror of Christ. I think you will find it a vastly different image to the one you are looking at right now.

Some of you are squirming. It's uncomfortable to be looking at a clear reflection when we don't like ourselves isn't it. Look at yourself. Stand and look. God says of you and I, "we are fearfully and wonderfully made - in his image no less". (Ps 139). Can you stand and look at yourself , see yourself as God does ... one of his art-pieces and then declare, "your work is wonderful?". You may have some difficulty. 2 years ago, I felt God speak to me and tell me that I had been looking in a cracked mirror for too long and my self perception was skewed. I felt led to ask some Godly friends who I trust, to act as mirrors for me. I asked them to take time with God to pray for me and see me, then to write down who they saw me to be ... good and bad! They had to describe me. My friends looked at me with godly eyes, and said, "I see you". I sat and journalled before reading these, and asked God to tell me how he saw me. I wrote down what i felt he said, whether I agreed or not and then sat back to look at it in the context of all the mirrors I had. I looked for the common threads. It wasn't comfortable, but it was a very healing thing to do.

Today, as you contemplate yourself and God, know he looks at you and sees you. Allow that to transform your heart. Allow yourself to see as He sees. Allow yourself to BE.

All You Need is Love (- and a little creativity to raise some $$$)

2010-01-16T23:22:00.028+09:00

In my previous post, I wrote about my visit to NK with the Eugene Bell Foundation. In this post I will be focusing on Dongdaewon, which is the TB care centre in NK that our SFS community have supported for the past 6 years. I thought it would be interesting if we take a tour around the care centre and see the very real difference that our fundraising has made in the lives of the staff and patients at this centre. Come along and check it out! It is pretty inspiring what our faculty, students and school community have achieved.

Welcome to Dongdaewon. When I visited, there were about 163 patients being treated at the centre. As you can see it is out in the countryside.

This is the director, Mr Cha. He is a new director because the previous director died.

I first met the Dongdaewon patients at Sadong. Many patients had come by truck to do testing for MDR TB. It was very cold and the patients had to stand and wait for a long time for their testing, as there were patients from many care centres there for testing. Someone pointed out the patients waiting to me and told me that this particular group had come from Dongdaewon. I was very excited to see them, as I have been involved in fundraising for them for a long time and finally, I could meet the patients in real life. Someone told the patients that I was a teacher from SFS. A buzz moved through the line and their faces lit up with warmth and smiles. There were many thank yous and a lot of bowing. The patients are so incredibly appreciative of our help. It was a very humbling thing to be on the receiving end of that.

As I mentioned in my previous post, there is an escalating problem with MDR TB in North Korea. At present, 56 of the 163 patients at Dongdaewon are receiving MDR meds. This time around, we sputum tested another 30 or so patients. Any patients that were sputum tested have been through several rounds of DOTs medications and are not responding. So potentially, we could have half of our patients having MDR meds. This is a big problem. Financially the drugs cost a lot more (about $100.00 USD a patient per month, whereas DOTs costs about $50.00 USD for an entire treatment cycle). In addition, they take a lot longer to act, and the response rate isn't as good. Testing is very detailed. In the picture above, you can see that patients are weighed and measured.

They then talk with the medical staff and provide a sputum sample. To do this, they cough up mucus from deep within their lungs. This is collected in bottles and sent to South Korea to be cultured. The culture takes about 5 months to grow, and from that, doctors get a detailed picture of which drugs the each MDR patient is resistant to, and which drugs can be used in their treatment.

Each patient is photographed and their photograph is used to identify them with their medication when they receive it in 6 months time. They will receive a box of medicine particularly tailored to their needs. As I mentioned above, this medication is a lot more expensive than DOTs meds, but without it the patients will die. The drugs make the patients feel very sick. Their bodies fight the drugs, but they need the drugs to fight their TB. At present we provide all the DOTs meds for all DOTs patients at Dongdaewon and also for three of the MDR patients.

Eugene Bell run a great scheme where they match individual donors with individual MDR patients to help. They send each donor a comprehensive update from the visits in. If you are interested in helping a NK patient this way, please contact Eugene Bell here. I can vouch that the patients WILL get their drugs and the help you provide.New patients have to wait 6 months for their drugs to arrive, and as mentioned in my previous post, not all patients will live to see the drugs that give them the hope of a new day and a life of health. It was wonderful to see some of our patients who have now gone through several cycles of their drugs and are looking so much better than when I first saw them in photos.

So ... many people wonder, where does the money go that we give? SFS commits to raising the money for a 6 month resupply kit. For the past few years, we have been able to provide the resupply kit for a whole year at Dongdaewon. We will talk more about the resupply kit in a moment, but lets see where else the money has gone. In the picture above, you can see the resupply kit we sent in boxes. Inside the boxes are supplies for the xray and microscope, drugs, medical records, plastic for the greenhouses and numerous other bits and pieces the centre needs to care for the patients. You can see a small chinese tractor that we have provided the centre with. This is used in the fields to help with nutrition. Many people in NK have poor nutrition and this makes them more susceptible to TB. An important part of treatment, is good nutrition. The centre grows it's own food. You can also see the a truck in the picture above. Our money was used to provide the centre with truck. They are able to use it to transport patients around the countryside. When the patients came to Sadong for testing, they came in the truck.

One of the important things that we have provided Dongdaewon with, is an x-ray machine. This is used to assist the doctors in diagosing patients and the progress of their TB. Eugene Bell have trained an x-ray technician - Mr Huh (you can see him holding onto the green thing in the picture above). Mr Huh is from NK and travels around the countryside with Eugene Bell, fixing the machines as we visit each centre. In between EB visits, he cannot travel around, as people are not able to move freely between provinces. You need the appropriate papers to move around the country, and these must be checked at various check points along the way. Part of our resupply kit provides parts for the machine, along with the films and solutions needed. At a couple of centres we visited, Eugene Bell provided a mobile x-ray truck, which can travel to different locations.

One of the reasons why the x-ray machine is so important, is that without it, doctors resort to fluroscopy. You can see a fluroscope in the picture above. Dr Linton is standing in as a patient. The room is normally in total darkness. On the right hand side of the picture you can see something that looks like a canister. That emits a stream of radiation which passes through the patient and lights up an image on the screen in front. A doctor has to stay in the room with the patient to read the screen. When the machine is turned off, the picture is gone. The problem is that doctors see many patients and are exposed to large amounts of radiation. Many have become sick and died from radiation poisoning. The x-ray machine is much better, because the doctor does not have to stay in the room with the patient. They can read the resulting picture without being exposed to all the radiation. Sadly, if the machine breaks down, they will resort to the fluroscope while waiting for more parts.

In this picture you can see one of the Dongdaewon doctors checking out patient samples in a microscope. Notice how the room has big windows and is very light. It is because there is no power except by generator. Doctors rely on natural light to read x-rays and look at samples. The reason they have a microscope to use at Dongdaewon is because of our fundraising. We also provide all the stains, slides etc that they need as part of the resupply kit.

I was able to look through a prepared slide. The TB bacteria shows up as thin red rods. They are so tiny and harmless looking, and yet these are the very bacteria that cause suffering for multitudes of people world wide. (Picture borrowed from South Carolina School of Medicine).

Other people also contribute towards Dongdaewon. Although we provide supplies for nutrition, Caritas provides soya beans. These are highly nutritious and cheap, and Caritas provides them to many care centres.

One company also provided a winter warmer kit, which included new winter coats for the patients!

This year, at SFS we sent several thousand paper cranes up to NK. Students were unable to write letters to wish patients good health, so we took paper cranes. Students from all over the school made hundreds of cranes - each one representative of wishes for good health and peace to the patients. Some of our JK students sprinkled glitter on their cranes as a sample of their wishes. When I presented the cranes with the wishes of our students, nurses and staff faces lit with pleasure and joy. There was lots of smiling and laughing. It was a very very COLD day when we were at Dongdaewon so not many patients were outside. Some were and received strings to take back to their rooms. The staff took the cranes around the various patient rooms and there were a lot of smiles and pleasure at the thoughts, wishes and personal touch from our students.

In my next post, I will introduce you to some of the patients and their stories. We are a few weeks out from kicking off our fundraising for 2010. Look at the difference you have made already and start dreaming of what we could do this year. Maybe you have some creative ideas that you would like to try for fundraising. Talk to your teachers ... or if you are staff, let me know what you are doing and go for it. This year, when we kick off, I am going to put up weekly reports so we can inspire and celebrate each other's creativity. If you are not from SFS and reading this, maybe you are inspired to do something to help. Eugene Bell would love to talk with you. They have a sound history and great working relationship with the people in North Korea. They are a trustworthy organisation to support. You can contact them here.

Thanks for reading ... see you soon!

North ... South ... Here I am!

2010-01-12T18:10:00.030+09:00

Hi all

Please accept my apologies for the lateness of this post. I got back from my trip to the neighbour north of me and dropped straight into Christmas madness. Not sure if anyone is reading this anymore ... have been a terrible poster this past year. This year I am really seeking to have my life more in balance ... so I have time to think and blog ...

So ... the trip North. The most common question I heard upon my return home from the kids was, "did you have a fun time?" Well ... not exactly the place one goes for FUN! The other question I heard was, what was it like? It's so hard to answer that question. In a sentence I would say, fascinating, beautiful, heartbreaking and amazing, all rolled up in one big messy ball. I thought I would put pen to paper and try and describe some of it ... using pics to help.

First of all, if you are wondering what this is all about, read Heading North. It will explain everything, as well as provide a great link to the Eugene Bell site for more information. I went to North Korea as our school representative and also as the official photographer for Eugene Bell. The picture above is our team that travelled for two weeks. 6 of us went in and we had NKs travelling with us the entire time as well. All your prayers were answered and Dr Linton said it was one of the smoothest trips he has had ... no one got sick and everything went relatively smoothly which is not at all normal for up there.

Okay ... grab a cuppa and sit with me a while ... here we go!

Sarah's Trip to NK - Nov/Dec 2009

Welcome to NK. In this post I will discuss several aspects of my impressions - the land, transportation, housing, the people and the work of the Eugene Bell Foundation. In my next post, I will talk specifically about the care centre our school supports at Dongdaewon.

The Land

Going to NK was like stepping back in time 50 years. It is by and large an agrarian society. The first thing that hit me about the landscape was that it was beautiful and unpolluted. I was not expecting it to be beautiful. It was the beginning of winter when everything is barren and brown and bare, and I just didn't think it would be. North Korea has great mountains, rolling hills and valleys. Much of the countryside is terraced for rice and I imagine in the spring, when the rice paddies are green, it must be a beautiful sight. There are not too many trees in the countryside, as most have been taken for firewood but I did see evidence of some replanting, along with many trees along the sides of the roads. There were more trees than I thought there would be. Outside of the major cities and towns, many of the roads are unsealed ... and the ones that are sealed do not guarantee a smooth ride :)

Transport

We primarily travelled around in a convoy of two vans, and a Eugene Bell truck for the medical supplies. The truck you see in the picture above is typical of the trucks that Eugene Bell provide care centres with. They are often used to transport patients.

This picture is one of my favorite from the trip. I think our minders thought I was a little loopy as I went into raptures about bullocks (mainly because I wanted a pic and I was trying to win them over and let me take a picture which took some persuading!) There are very few cars on the roads. Most vehicles we saw were military vehicles. The most common form of transport was bullock cart. Most people people were walking and some have bikes. Very rarely did I see one person on a bike. It was common to see a mother with two children - one on the back and one in the basket on the front, or, someone pushing the bike and using it to move heavy loads.

Housing

The capital city has many apartment houses for people to live in, but people are not free to just move around the countryside and live where they want. To live in the capital, you would probably have to have "connections". The house above is very typical of houses in the countryside ... no electricity and if any heating, it will be ondol heating (under the floor) using coal. The care centres we visited heated with coal, but had to use it selectively to heat specific areas.

The People

In a word, the people are beautiful. They have such an amazing spirit. Life is full of hardship for them, and they endure. They work. They love. They laugh. They smile. They weep. They mourn. They even dare to hope. In many ways, I think that it is good they do not really know what life is like outside of the country, because I don't know how you could endure the hardships they do if you knew that it didn't have to be that way.

Children

Children are children where ever you go in the world. Children in NK work very hard. They have two sessions of school and go to either the morning session or the afternoon one. I saw them working the fields in working parties on various days. From a young age, they are trained to work. We visited a school one day which was really interesting for me. The picture above is part of our welcoming committee - the wee one in the background looked absolutely thrilled to see us. We could not get her to make eye contact or crack a smile. Think our white faces were a little scary! :)

Eugene Bell do not get to do many programs with the children. They would really like to and are constantly asking officials to allow them to help. The school we visited is part of a wellness check they are able to do through a hospital they work with. This hospital has about 20 schools in its care and visits each one for a week every year. They take in a mobile xray truck, doctors, nurses, a dentist and an optometrist. If children need glasses, they are made then and there.

Often, while fundraising, people say that they would be happy to support programs if they were for the children. I met a mother who said she was not afraid to die of her TB as she knew the party would care for her child. Think about that for a minute. Will the party soothe her child at night when she is sad? Will the party love the child the way a mother can? If you want to help children, help their parents so that their children do not catch TB from them, or even worse, become orphans.

This beautiful wee one turned up with her father one day when we were taking sputum samples to send off for MDR testing (Multiple Drug resistant TB). She was a splash of color in the midst of beige, brown and black. She had on her best pants, high heeled sneakers and her warm coat (it was about -10C that day). As we weren't working with children, I noticed her immediately and was curious. I smiled at her and said hi in Korean. Her face lit up and she gave me a beautiful smile back and bowed to me. I kept an eye on her throughout the morning. She waited patiently with her father and I continued to stew in my curiousity. Why was she here? Why was she not in school? Was she caring for her father? Over several hours, she watched and waited as patients lined up to take height, weights and sputum samples. Her eyes were bright and curious and not once did I see her complain of the cold or the time spent waiting. I think I fell in love with her - a beautiful beautiful wee girl. My heart broke when I saw her step onto the scales to be weighed for her medical records. A child that age should have a life full of promise ahead, not a fight for her life with such a horrible illness as TB. Pray for her.

One other child I want to introduce you to is this wee one. She also came with her father, wrapped up warm and waiting patiently. Her parents are both medical doctors. When she was three years old, she contracted TB in her larynx. To save her life they had to operate and she has had a trach tube in ever since. She breathes unfiltered air through that tube and is unable to talk. She came because they think she has TB again. Pray for this little one.

Eugene Bell Foundation

Eugene Bell was founded by Dr Stephen Linton (seen here with a patient receiving her MDR meds). Dr Linton grew up in South Korea as the son of missionaries. For more information on the work of Eugene Bell, click here. I am really impressed with what they do. Most of the funds they use are raised through grass roots fundraising and donors through church. Stephen runs a very transparent ministry and this extends to finances. They are responsible with what they are given and are working hard to make a difference in the lives of the people in NK.

The primary focus of Eugene Bell is on treating TB. There is a very serious problem with TB in North Korea and there are three types of TB they are dealing with. The first type is standard TB. They use DOTs meds for this and it is quite cheap to treat patients. If they do not respond to DOTs, they could have MDR (Multiple Drug Resistant) TB. This is much harder to treat. Patients donate sputum samples, these are taken back to South Korea and cultivated for 5 months. They then work out an individualised drug treatment program for each patient. This is about 50 times more expensive than DOTs treatment. It is also much harder to treat. If patients do not respond to that, they may have XDR TB. Without medicine, the patients will die. As TB is airborne, it is easily passed on, so patients under treatment need to go to care centres and stay there for treatment. Often this can take a couple of years.

TB is a horrible disease and both the disease and the drugs are harsh on the patients. There is not a lot of money spent on research for this, so treatments are old and a little brutal. It tends to crop up in poorer countries with poor nutrition. Some people have asked why Eugene Bell focus on treatments instead of immunizing. The immunizations for TB are not very effective. You can be immunized and still catch it. The lady on the right in the above picture, is 42. She is being supported by her mother and is a doctor who caught TB (probably MDR). She came a long way because she heard they might be xraying and knew she needed to get one. When she found out that we were delivering a new xray truck to the centre and not xraying, she broke down and could not stop crying for several hours. Her tears were the tears of someone who was at her end ... and the last straw was that she had come all that way feeling so horrible, to no avail. We did xray her ... and still she cried. I just can not imagine her suffering and that of many of the patients. Her face to me is the face of despair.

The saddest part of the trip for me, was the boxes left at the end of patient presentations. The patients they were for had died before they could receive their meds. I stood one day looking at the patient pictures and stats on each box. Very few of the patients were over 40 ... ages 28, 32, 29, 44. Who were these people? Mothers, sons, daughters, fathers. Each one a life cut off early due to lack of drugs and treatment. TB is treatable and we can help.

In contrast, the best part of the trip for me was delivering meds to patients (especially ours at our care centre). The joy on their faces when they received their meds was a humbling thing. I love the look on this lady's face as she receives her MDR drugs. To me, her face is the face of hope.

I am going to finish this post here. In my next post I will take you on a guided tour of our care centre and walk you through the very practical differences that are made due to the fundraising from our students and faculty.

Heading North!

2009-11-22T20:49:00.003+09:00

Well ... the bag is packed, I'm ready to go ... and no ... I am not going to sing any more of THAT song!

Tomorrow I hop a flight west to Beijing and then back East and North. The northern version of the country I currently reside in.
Tuesday is the day we go in, tomorrow we spend the night in Beijing, picking up Visas for the trip North.

For those of you wishing to know a little more about what I am doing, read on.

Our school works in partnership with the Eugene Bell Foundation. Eugene Bell support TB care centres throughout the North. TB is rampant up there and Eugene Bell do an awesome job partnering with the locals to provide medical supplies and assistance where needed and requested. You can read an excellent article about them here.

For the past nine years, I have served on our fundraising committee. We have an intense 6 week period where staff and students pull out all the stops to raise funds to buy a 6 month resupply kit for our care centre. The past 5 or so years, we have been able to resupply the clinic for a year which has been fantastic. Our kids have fun while saving lives. Things we did in the past year were a cooking school, an arthouse coffee house with live music and poetry, craft bazaars, hot chocolate sales, collecting coins and competing against other classes to get the most weight, soak the teacher campaigns, sales of shammograms (candy and personalised messages on St Patrick's day), an entire school fair put on by the different classes, talent shows ... you name it, our kids do it!

People often wonder how we know that the supplies are getting to where they need to go. Eugene Bell take a visiting team in twice a year and check the supplies and the clinics to see all is going well. I will be on one of those visiting delegations. Actually, I am going to be the official photographer for this visiting delegation and it will probably be some of the most challenging photography of my life! It's dark ... many things are not allowed to be photographed ... i am stepping out of my comfort zone and shooting up close with people ... :) The photos will be used by Eugene Bell with their fundraising and sponsors around the world so I really want to do a good job.

I will be gone two weeks and back on Dec 8th. Please pray for me and the team while I am gone ... Here are the things I would love prayer for ... (will be out of touch with the world for the next two weeks).

1. Health - I will be in and out of TB clinics with very sick patients, please pray for our protection. In addition, if I get sick, i would not be able to visit the sick patients and it is really important i get the pics.

2. Visas. Please pray that all our visas come through fine on Monday 23rd (or 22nd for my Nth American friends).

3. Camera Gear. Please pray on TUESDAY (24th) that all my camera gear gets in okay. We are a little concerned about one of the lenses. Pray that we have no difficulties or malfunctioning equipment.

4. Photography. Pray that I capture "moments". The pictures I am looking to catch are those fleeting moments where faces light up with hope and joy as patients get their meds. Those are the pics I want to bring back and show people.

5. Safety. Pray for our safety as we travel around.

6. Light. please pray that I would shine and be a light in some dark places.

7. Generally ... for me, I think this is going to be a hard trip, yet, I am fully confident that this is a God trip. Pray that I am close with him this trip.

I will post in two and a half weeks. Until then ...

S
xx

Spring Is Coming

2009-11-20T05:50:00.008+09:00

Hi All ...

It's been a long, long time but I am back! A lot has been happening in every which way in my life.

Stunning album out by Steven Curtis Chapman ... Beauty Will Rise. if you have not gotten it ... you need to do it. It is written in the aftermath of his 5 year old daughter's (Maria) death last year. It is the most raw, honest, hope-filled album I have heard in a long long time. Beauty Will Rise. Here is Steven talking about this album.

A song that is speaking to me a lot right now is

Spring Is Coming ...

We planted the seed
while the tears of our grief soaked the ground
The sky lost its sun
And the world lost its green to lifeless brown
Now the chill in the wind has turned the earth hard as stone
And silent seed lies beneath ice and snow
And my heart's heavy now
But I am not letting go
Of this hope I have
That tells me

CHORUS
Spring is coming
Spring is coming
All we have been hoping and longing for
Soon will appear
Spring is coming
Spring is coming
It won't be long now
It's just about here

Here the birds start to sing
Feel the life in the breeze
watch the ice melt away
The kids are coming out to play
Feel the sun on your skin
Growing strong and warm again
Watch the ground
Something is moving
Something is breaking through
New Life is breaking through

Spring is coming (Out of these ashes, beauty will rise)
Spring is coming (Sorrow will be turned to joy)
All we’ve been hoping and longing for (All we’ve hoped for)
Soon will appear (soon will appear)
Spring is coming (Out of the darkness beauty will shine)
Spring is coming (All of earth and heaven rejoice)
It won’t be long now (Spring is coming soon)
It’s just about here (Spring is coming soon)

This song reminds me of the Oscar Wilde Story "The Selfish Giant". If you have not read this, you can read it here. My favorite line in the story is this:
He did not hate the Winter now, for he knew that it was merely the Spring asleep, and that the flowers were resting.

How incredibly hope-filled. When we are going through our dark times ... the winters of our soul, we need to know that there is a Spring. Spring always comes. In the chill of the winter ... when all is barren and brown, it comes. It has to ... it's a natural law. It is also a spiritual one. And when it does ... it is sudden, swift and beautiful.

For the past few years, I have been unwell. In January - March 2008, I was in a very dark place. I was sick, exhausted and struggling. It was winter ... it was dark. I was at the end of myself and desperately needing to connect with God. I went to Cambodia and asked many of you to pray for me that it would be a place of encounter with God. I went, and it was an amazing time. One of the things that God spoke to my heart at the time was a word "Spring Is Coming".

So I went to Cambodia, heard from him, came home with hope and joy that Spring was coming. And then, things got worse and I got sicker. The rest of the year was like this, until I went home and had to have emergency surgery in August. Then, at Christmas, I had to have a hysterectomy. Spring is coming Sarah. What ... how can that be? I am staring in the face of the loss of my fertility and the possibility of "fruitfulness". I am a barren women and you tell me, "spring is coming"? What?

And this my friends, is where God is so incredible, he is the God of paradoxes. In the midst of huge loss ... of winter, new life is unfurling. We don't see it immediately, but we have the hope that under the ground, things are happening ... as Steven sings, new life is breaking through. It will. It does ... it has to. It's a spiritual and natural law. After every winter, there is Spring. The flowers are resting, new life is developing and Spring is coming.

In April this year, I was waiting for Spring (Northern hemisphere here ...). I blogged about the cherry tree outside my kitchen window. Basically, throughout winter, it had stood empty and seemingly lifeless and barren. Then it started to bud, and the buds stayed a long time. There seemed to be no action. Nothing. I watched the buds and one day, coming home from work, I looked up and at the top of the tree, 2 sprays had opened. Just two. I smiled to my self and thought "spring is coming". Seasons change quickly when they change. I arrived home from work the next day, and BOOM! The whole tree had exploded into blossom and was stunning. New life ... fruitfulness ... beauty ... stunning. This is how God works. In our winters ... we hope for ... we long for ... we cry out for Spring. It's hard ... it's dark ... but have hope. Spring is coming.

For me ... the tree has suddenly exploded into blossom. Spring is here. God told me it was just before Cambodia ... and now ...18 months on ... BOOM! Spring is here. A lot is happening, so in summary:
Health
My health is just great ... tumor still there, on meds, but things seem pretty stable. Darling Ruby is doing really REALLY well. She is still on chemo but December the 31st will mark the end of her treatment. It has been a long road, but she is a little miracle really.

Sabbatical
I have been granted a sabbatical next year. This means that I have a year away from Korea on half pay to study. I am working on a Masters in Counselling and it's online so I can do it anywhere. I can have 5 months in New Zealand reconnecting with my family and beloved country ... and I get 3 months in Sorrento, Italy, just my favorite place to be! My friends have a summer house there and have made it available to me in the fall.

North!
My neighbour to the North of where I live. On Monday I will be going for two weeks as our school rep on the Eugene Bell Foundation, to visit TB care centres. Watch this space tomorrow and I will update you. Many many things going on with this and its exciting.

Spring is here and I see it. I have longed for it ... hoped for it and it is here. For me, it has been 9 years of winter, and I just sense new life that God is doing, breathing and working. I am keen to see where it goes.

For those of you who are still feeling the barrenness of winter, I will close out with Steven's Words. He says it so much better than me (and even better ... sings it ... get it!)

Spring is coming (Out of these ashes, beauty will rise)
Spring is coming (Sorrow will be turned to joy)
All we’ve been hoping and longing for (All we’ve hoped for)
Soon will appear (soon will appear)
Spring is coming (Out of the darkness beauty will shine)
Spring is coming (All of earth and heaven rejoice)
It won’t be long now (Spring is coming soon)
It’s just about here (Spring is coming soon)

PS. If you are wondering what this picture has to do with Spring ... it's a fig ... figs speak of fruitfulness ... 2nd ... when it seems to be winter and nothing much is happening on the surface, all the action is going on underneath ... just like in this picture! And 3rd. It just happens to be the most favorite picture of all I have shot this year. :)

Rain

2009-09-19T23:54:00.003+09:00

New song ... one day I will figure out how to record and put them on as audio files ... but for now lyrics will have to suffice. It's a slow, very simple, heart song ... a prayer. Maybe it resonates with you? If so ... be encouraged because he does promise that springs will well up in the desert and he also promises that he will send the rains ...

Rain

In this desert place
Lord I seek your face
Come rain … on me
Rain … on me

In this dry and barren land
Lord reach out your hand
Come rain … on me …
Rain … on me …

Lord I need you
And I want you
Rain … on me
Rain on me …

You’re my lover
There’s no other
Rain … on me
Lord, Rain on me

You’re the one who can satisfy
Living water, come bring new life

CHORUS
Let it rain
Streams of living water flow
Come rain
On me …
Let it rain
I stretch my hands
Cry out for you
My rain
Come rain
On me …

Lyrics and Music. Copyright S Carpenter September 2009

When you have nothing to say ... say nothing!

2009-09-15T10:41:00.003+09:00

Hi all

My apologies for not updating my blog in a while. Not sure if anyone is even still reading it ... but if you are ... I will be back in a bit. At present I just have nothing to say. Quite a dry stint and my prayer (and the current song I am working on) is ... Rain on Me. Rain Lord. Let the desert burst into bloom. Cause rivers of life to well up within me and help me break up the fallow ground.

I will be back ... watch this space.

Sassiekiwi

He Reigns

2009-04-30T07:34:00.006+09:00

As mentioned in the post on Enduring Seasons, Oprah asks the question, "what do you know for sure". Having come through a hard couple of years, this song answers that for me! If you haven't read that blog post, click the link above and read it before you read this!

He Reigns

I say
The night is long, can’t find my way
I say
I’m stumbling in the darkness

They say
It’s always dark before the dawn
They say
That when the night is dark
The stars shine bright
The stars shine brighter

When I think I’m all alone
I know that God is on the throne
And when I can’t tell night from day
I tumble to my knees and pray
And this one thing I know
And this one thing I know

Chorus
He reigns
For when the night is darkest
He’s the light
Shining brighter than the brightest day
He reigns
And when I can’t see my way
This one thing I know
This one thing I know
He Reigns!

He says
He’s the calm in the middle of storms
I say
Those waves are getting higher and higher
Higher and higher

He says
Get out of the boat
Put your feet on the waves
I say
I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid the water’s fire

Hold me
Carry me when I can’t find my way
Hold me
Be my light
Be my guide

CHORUS

Refrain (he makes me lie down, he makes me lie down)

The Lord is my shepherd
I’ll not want
(Refrain)

He leads me beside waters still
(refrain)

He restores my soul
And guides me in righteousness
(refrain)

When I walk through valleys
In the shadow of death
(refrain)

I’ll not fear
You are with me
(refrain)

Your rod and staff
They comfort me
(refrain)

Goodness and love
Will follow me – as
(refrain)

I will dwell in you
Evermore - as
(refrain)

Refrain to fade out

Words and Music Copyright S Carpenter May 2009

To Every Thing Turn, Turn ... Enduring Through Seasons

2009-04-30T07:22:00.004+09:00

I was on Staff Devotions yesterday ...

Last week I reached a milestone. I turned 40. Last year I started a tradition where I break bread with God on my birthday. I sit with him and reflect on the past year and his gifts to me and things I am thankful for in my life. This past Friday morning I found myself reflecting on why 40 is a landmark birthday. 40 is seen as the halfway point in life. Many people seem to struggle with this particular birthday. As I thought about turning 40, I thought about my Dad who died at 49. I thought, “I am sure my father never dreamed that at 40, he would have just 9 short years left”. And that made me think about the fact that NONE of us know how many days we will have. God does. And I thought, Lord, really this is a reminder to me to count my days and make my days count. Can I go to bed tonight saying that I LIVED my day – rather than just getting caught up in the frenzy of it? Was I present in it? Did I love someone today? Did I give them hope? Did I encourage them? Did I reflect Jesus with skin on to someone in my circle? Have I loved and laughed and lived today?

On my birthday, as I sat with God reflecting about things that I was thankful for this past year, health was at the top of my list. Many of you know my story – I have shared it before. The past few years have been really challenging for me. I had surgery in December and since then I have been recovering. As I reflected on the things in my life I am grateful for, I thanked God for answered prayers with my surgery. It was easy to thank him for all those things that went well, a great surgeon, excellent anaesthetist – needle that went into my veins first time … the courage to self inject myself each day for two weeks when I am terrified of needles. There were many things I could thank him for but it took me a few minutes of sitting still, before I could say, “thankyou for the hysterectomy”. I could look at that surgery as huge loss because in all reality it is. But I choose to say, thankyou for all I have gained Lord. Thank you that I live in an age where technology is so advanced and I could have this surgery rather than spending the rest of my life living like I have the past couple of years. Thank you for health. Thank you for life. Thank you that I have energy. Thankyou for the way you work in paradoxes – that in the death of one thing, there is new life in another. And really, that paradox is the crux of seasons. We all go through seasons of plenty and and we all go through seasons where it is hard, brown and barren. Enduring through seasons is what I would like to talk about this morning.

Recently, at bible study, the question was raised as to why some people endure through hard seasons and others don’t. I am sure you can all think of people who have gone through the mill. They have been sifted. They have been tested. They have been proven in the fire and they have come out shining. For all those people we know, each of us probably know others who didn’t make it. We often wonder why that is. Looking back over my life, and the lives of those around me, it seems that the things you focus on and the choices you make in your seasons are critical to your very survival.

Globally, we are seeing people in a difficult season financially. The current economic climate has put a lot of people under severe stress. I am watching this with my own family right now. Several have lost their jobs and are facing uncertainty financially. With all this going on, I was recently chatting with my sister-in-law and she made the comment to me, “you don’t know how hard it is to not have money …” I smiled to myself but said nothing as she spoke. You see, as I was listening, I was musing over the different financial seasons in my life. I clearly remember several years of living, not knowing how I would make my payments each week. I remember vividly the week that the choice came down to me paying my overdue bills or eating. That week, I fasted and paid my bills. I remember being in despair the following week when I got back to the same point. An unexpected bill came in and I was crying to God saying that I couldn’t fast another week (not a great idea when you are seriously anaemic as I was at the time). I had the sense of him saying, “Whose idea was that Sarah, yours or mine?” You see, in the midst of my challenge, I used my brain to problem solve it myself and left God completely out of the picture … so he sat and waited … and watched me come around the mountain to the same place. This time though, there were not the same options. And this time I included him and things were completely different. Currently, I am blessed financially. But I have had a winter season in other areas of my life. The past few years have presented challenges that made the road a hard one to walk.

Seasons are a fact of life. Sometimes they are fruitful and sometimes, they are barren and hard and cold. The bottom line is that the change in seasons will come. Are you prepared? What will you do? How will you get through? In times of plenty, I remember the source. In times of hardship, I know that he is on the throne and he is my redeemer. While recovering from surgery, I read part of a bible study and I was a little perturbed. The implication was that God sends trials on us to test us. I personally struggle with that concept. That is not the God I know. The bottom line is, we live in a sick, diseased word that is fallen and scarred by sin. Stuff happens. My phrase of the year seems to be, “se la vie” – “it is what it is”. We deal with it. How? Well here is a starting point … my God is the Alpha and Omega, who knows the beginning from the end. He is the author and perfector of my faith. He is my redeemer. He has promised that he will not leave me and that he will see the work in my life through to the day of completion – when he takes me home. So when I go through these times, they are not a surprise to God. He has a plan in place and he will redeem my circumstances. When I can’t see my way and it’s falling down all around me, my God is on the throne and he has a plan!

Choose your focus. What are you going to look at in this time? As I look over my life and the lives of those who endured, I see people who are not super spiritual, who are not super human. They are real! Over various seasons in my life, I have cried, I have shouted at God … I have wallowed. But in spite of that, I have chosen to fix my eyes on the one sitting before me. What are you going to look at?

The apostle Paul knew this truth well. He experienced tremendous hardship and having come through it he says in Hebrews 12:1
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that will not grow weary and lose heart."

It is interesting to note that this passage follows on immediately from the heroes of faith chapter. Take a look at those heroes! They were not superhuman, running and never falling. Nope! They crashed and fell … they took detours, they made wrong decisions. What they all have in common is that they persevered. They endured. They focused on their God. They got up and they kept going.

When our focus is correct, it helps us to be content. We can be content if we trust God. And perhaps, here is the second secret to endurance. If we know: God is the author and perfector of our faith; if we know that he has a plan to redeem us; if we know that he does not sit impassively watching our struggles, but has walked the way and walks with us on the way, then we can be content. Paul knew that the secret to contentment is abiding in the presence of God, knowing we are held in his hands and that we are not forsaken.

He said to the Phillipians in Phil 4:11-13:
"I have learnt to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things though him who gives me strength."

Paul knew his source. And he clung to it through many hardships.

One of the things I have learnt over the past few years (and I am still learning it!) is what it means to trust God, stop fighting, lie down and submit. I’ll give you one last story to illustrate this point. When I was diagnosed with my tumour, things were spinning out of my control and I was really struggling. I had to go for an MRI and I did not know what to expect. I did my best to prepare but nothing I read, prepared me for the fact that when they did it, they would want to put a needle in my arm, insert a canula and inject dye. I am really needle phobic and need to psych myself up for things like that. At the MRI machine, none of them spoke English so it was even more of a drama. It might sound strange to you, but one of the hardest things for me was to have to lie down on that MRI machine and surrender control of my body to other people – especially people I could not communicate with. I was telling a friend about that and she spoke the following to me, “the Lord is my shepherd … he MAKES me lie down …” This made me think of my friend Frances. When we were growing up, she had a pet lamb named Thunder. She would pick him up and he would bleat and baa, and kick and struggle. She would flip him on his back and he would go completely limp and lie peacefully in her arms gazing adoringly at her face. Sometimes we are like Thunder. We don’t want to lie down, we kick and we fight. We struggle to gain control. Sometimes, all God is asking of us, is to lie down and surrender to the process … whatever that process is. Lie back in his arms and trust him completely.

A lot of thoughts this morning, so summing them up … how do we get through the hard seasons?
1. Know the season you are in. We will always have seasons in our life. Take hope in the fact that after every winter, there is a Spring! And for those pessimists of you out there, don't even go to the thought of, "well yes, but after every summer there is a winter!". This brings us to the second point ...

2. Watch your focus. Focus on Jesus – the alpha and omega, the author and finisher of your faith, the one who knows beginning from end and is our redeemer.

3. Abide in his presence and practice the art of contentment. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

4. Lie down and submit – think of Se La Vie. It is what it is. Seasons are inevitable. God knew this day was coming. It was not a surprise. I need to surrender to him and let him take the rudder to steer me through.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a song. It is still a little rough. I wanted to share it with you this morning. It’s a song that has come out of the past few years for me. Oprah asks the question, “What do you know for sure?” This song answers that for me. I will post that in another blog ... and you can click here to see it! (sorry you can't hear the tune ... but it is pretty upbeat ...)

Growing Pains

2009-04-06T20:12:00.005+09:00

Outside my kitchen and dining room windows is a cherry tree. Towards the end of last week, it seemed the tree exploded into blossom. I have been watching it closely for the past few weeks and I am inspired by the tree. For months it has been barren. No leaves ... just brown bare sticks reaching for the sky.

About a month ago, little woody buds appeared. As I watched, they grew a little bigger. I went off to New York for a week and when I came home a week ago Sunday, they were no longer little woody buds, but tight pink ones. Last Tuesday, I looked at the tree and 3 cherry blossoms had unfolded. Two days ago, the blossoms exploded on the tree. I heard them ... Bang! Bang! BOOM! (that was a whole spray ...) BANG! The noise was thunderous and woke me from slumber. Seriously ... of course I didn't hear them, but they did pretty much burst open on most of the tree over 2 days.

This beautiful cherry tree is an encouragement to me in the process of change. Let's look at that. If you know nothing about trees, you would assume that all the action occurred this past week. Growth is not like that. I often tell my kids that learning is a slow, almost inperceptable process. Change is ongoing and slow. Little steps add up to big ones. It seems nothing is happening but when you look over a long period you see tremendous change. The trick is being faithful in the small things and having faith in the process.

I liken it to running. As part of my road to health and wellness, I have turned a corner from surgery recovery and am able to start exercising again. In some ways it is exciting and other ways, downright discouraging. Several years back I got myself going really well on eating and exercise. I lost 15 kilos without dieting, just being mindful about my eating and making sure I exercised regularly. In addition, I got myself to where I was regularly running 5k runs. Exercise has never been a positive thing for me. I am not coordinated or sporty and don't enjoy it. However I worked at it and I was proud of my achievement. I kept the weight off (with the exception of 2.5 kilos) for several years. I kept the weight off when I got sick. However, the last 2 years I have been really unwell and survival has been the name of the game. I was struggling to have the energy to work and had none whatsoever for exercise. After my surgery I gained 6 kilos and was over my "I never want to be over that again" weight. Horrible. A whole pile of clothes did not fit and I know how hard I worked to lose that weight.

Last week I turned a corner in my health and felt I could start working out at the gym. So, I downloaded a couch - 5k running plan. In 10 weeks I hope to be back to running 5k runs. I am on week two. I could be discouraged about being all the way back at the beginning, having to do the hard yards but I learnt things from the last time. Be faithful in the small things. Make the time, follow the programme, push that little bit harder and small steps, will add up to big ones. When the scales are awful, when I feel yuk about my body and think nothing is happening, it is. Like the cherry, changes are going on in my body. My heart is getting healthier, my bones are getting stronger, I am building muscle and before I know it ... if I stay faithful in the little things ... BOOM! BANG! BOOM! the fruit will explode open and changes will be seen.

The cherry tree is also a great analogy for our spiritual lives. I challenge myself when I look at it. I am feeling a little distant with God at the moment. Not feeling like there is a lot of fruit in my life. BUT ... if I am faithful in the small things. If I am faithful in meeting with him, connecting, studying my bible, being transformed by the renewing of my mind ... BOOM! BANG! BOOM ... the fruit will come.

Be encouraged. If you are frustrated with the rate of change in areas in your life ... hang in ... be faithful to the process and be faithful in the small things ... BOOM ... BANG! BOOM. There will be fruit. It's a spiritual law. You sow ... you will reap!

To see ... or not to see ...

2009-02-21T09:12:00.005+09:00

To see ... or not to see? That is the question ...

The story of Samson is an interesting one. There are many views of the weaknesses of Samson, and two of the common ones are that he was a womaniser and had a problem with self control. When I did my church internship, there was a saying that the three things that will take a leader out, are the gold, the glory or the girls. In other words: money, pride and sex. As I listened to the story of Samson at church last week, I could see all these things in play and yet, I believe that none of those were the REAL problem. Lets look at them:

1. The Gold (Money and possessions) ... Judges 14:13
Samson set up a riddle and the price of the riddle for those who lost it was thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes. To appreciate this, you need to appreciate the value of linen. In Genesis 45:22 Benjamin was favoured by the Pharoah and given 5 sets of clothes. In Zechariah 14:14, clothing is listed among the treasures of war. Samson was asking for excessive wealth. Not 5 sets or even 10, but 30. Spoils from each of his companions. He was a man who loved the fine things in life.

2. The Glory (Pride)
Judges 14:34 tells us that Samson was blessed. This means that God's favour was upon him. Samson grew up with this. How easy would it have been to take the favour of God for granted. Perhaps he just assumed it without knowing too much about the source and how to stay under the blessing. Probably until God's blessing was removed, he didn't really value it. There was pride in Samson when he posed his riddle. He was not expecting anyone to be able to answer it. He probably felt for sure it was a safe bet as he would not have had the money for the the thirty sets of clothing. Indeed, when he lost his bet, he was angry (often a response when our pride is wounded) and stripped the clothes he owed off 30 Philistines.

When Samson found out his wife was given away, he became embroiled in a tit for tat, get revenge type situation that resulted in:
- destroyed grain
- destroyed vineyards
- destroyed olive trees
- his ex wife and her father's loss of life
- big trouble in Judah with the Philistines

Often when our pride is wounded and we react out of that, it robs us of fruitfulness and results in conflict. You can see Samson is still operating in pride and a stubborn attitude when the Judeans came to see him. They ask, "what have you done to us" (Judges 15:11) and Samson's response is, "I merely did to them what they did to me". AND SOME! That's kind of the understatement of the century right there. Ah Nope! He did a lot more. The thing that pushes my button in this response is that word "merely". Not merely at all. Not by a long shot. Samson's response is a little like some of my kids at school when I intervene in conflict and ask what happened. More often than not, the response starts with, "I just ...". I hate that word just. And Samson using "merely" is the same attitude. It seeks to minimise the damage and feels no compassion for the wounded. It seeks to minimise the wrong committed. That's pride - the direct opposite of humility. And there is not a lot of humility felt in Samson's responses.

There is also pride at work in the way Samson plays with Delilah when she seeks to find the source of his power. Instead of just saying I won't tell you. He plays with her - enjoys it. Playing with fire ... we can play with it but one day, we will be burnt.

3. The Girls (Sex)
This is an obvious flaw in Samson. It started early ... he spies a Philistine woman and wants her (Judges 14:2). His attitude is, I want her. Get her for me. Samson is consecrated to God. He does not seems to care that he is defiling himself. God had specific prohibitions on marriage with the people of Canaan. His parents try to sway him, but he would not listen. The whole story of his life really starts to go downhill from here. He loses his first wife, which sets in motion many of the events listed above. He then leads Israel for twenty years. Not much is mentioned about this time, so we can assume nothing particularly noteworthy went on. Sometime around the twenty year mark, Samson heads to Gaza and sees a prostitute. He spends the night with her. He is in the wrong place (a Philistine strong hold) with the wrong person defiling himself. Not long after that he falls in love with Delilah - a woman whose allegiance was certainly not to Samson. She went for the money - eleven hundred shekels - the price of 275 slaves. A LOT of money. This was the price for betrayal.

THE BIG PROBLEM
It's good to examine yourself in the light of these top three points. What is it that will take you out? These are all valid points, but really, I do not believe these are the main problem, they are problems but they are not the core issue. I believe the core issue in Samson's story was vision. It is interesting that he allowed different things to fill his vision and distract him ... and it is interesting that ultimately he paid for this with blindness.

Pause and think on this.

What fills your vision. What is it that you are looking at and focusing on. Is it God in your picture or is it the picture itself?
- Are you focusing on offenses?
- Are you focusing on disappointments?
- Are you focusing on hurt?
- Is your vision skewed because of envy?
- Is your vision skewed because of pride?

What fills your vision? God or circumstances? If it is circumstances, you must make God the focus. See him in the picture. Know that nothing you walk through is without him. Know that he will bring good out of all things if you focus on him and walk according to his ways. There is a key there. If we focus on God, it is much easier to walk according to his ways. If we focus on the circumstances, we tend to get caught up in reacting out of self ... and that is never pretty. The bottom line is ... like Samson, if you allow anything but God to fill your vision, you WILL lose it. Sure God came through in the end. The tragedy is that Samson lost his eyes before he looked to God. Isaiah spoke to the people of his time ... and Jesus also spoke of this when he said:
"though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand.
In them is fulfilled the prophesy of Isaiah:
"You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
you will be ever seeing but never perceiving,
For this people's heart has become calloused;
they hardly hear with their ears,
and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
unerstand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them."

Don't let that be you. Keep your focus on him. He and he alone, should fill your vision.

Happy New Year

2009-01-11T17:26:00.002+09:00

Hi All

I know it has been quite a while since I have posted so thought I would just write a quick update here. Sorry I have not posted. At present I am away from Korea at a secret location, hiding out with Elvis and Salmon Rushdie ... well actually, I am in NZ recovering from surgery but the above sounds SO much more interesting!

I had my surgery a month ago and it has gone well although at present I am still on house arrest for another 2 weeks! The most common thing that I hear is how lovely it must be to have all that time off. Well ... yes, but its not like time off in the sense that I am not allowed to go beach walking, or walking beyond the house on my surgeon's instructions. So ... I have read and read ...and I am over reading. I am eeking out my Boston Legal Season 4 and not doing much. That extends to thinking. I am not in the space for deep thinking at the moment. When I start to think, the only thing on my brain at present is "grace".

Grace. What a marvellous thing. We say grace. We have grace. We extend grace. We receive grace. We are saved by grace. And, if you are anything like me, you aren't as good as extending it as receiving it?! At the moment I am having to tell myself - show grace. Grace to those around me as I get antsy with healing and grace to myself in this period as well.

So thats the only word I have for you. Receive his grace ... extend his grace and live under His Smile.

Peace to you and yours.

All You Need Is Love ... la la la la ...All You Need Is Love ...

2008-11-26T15:29:00.012+09:00

This is another devotion I did with staff (with my elementary colleagues) this month. It had really cool active visuals, I have taken still shots so you can still follow them.

Recently I was doing some writing activities with my Grade 2 students. They were creating flyers about themselves. One of the sentence starters that I gave them was, "I am a great person to know because ..." Have a look at the following pictures to see some of their answers.

I was actually quite sad when i saw some of these responses. I had some very interesting discussions with my students, trying to get them to see WHO they are. My friend Kathy always says the following - and it is so true ...

Jesus gave us two great commandments. The first was to love the Lord God with all our hearts. The second?

Often this is problematic because we don’t always love ourselves. We aren’t comfortable with the way that we are wired.

Some of you don’t know that I am a musician – I was a music major at uni and I written songs for years. You might know some of my songs as many well known artists have recorded them. They changed them a little so recently, I released a new album – sort of a greatest hits one.

I referred to these songs a while back in a blog but perhaps you have forgotten them. Here are some of the more well known ones (along with artists who recorded them):-

Always on My Mind – Willie Nelson
"I am always on my mind … always on my mind"

You are So Beautiful – Lionel Ritchie
"I am so beautiful … to me … can’t you see?
I’m everything I hoped for … and everything I dreamed ..."

You’re Beautiful – James Blunt
"I’m beautiful … beautiful …"

Saving All my love – Whitney Houston
"Yes I'm saving all my love for me ..."

You are the sunshine of my life – Stevie Wonder

I got me Babe – Sonny and Cher

You’re the One That I want … Olivia Newton John and John Travolta

So all joking aside, this brings me to the other side of this coin - narcissism. Fancy word – what is it exactly? One dictionary I looked in, defined it as, “excessive self admiration and self centredness.” It can also be defined as an overestimation of one’s appearance and abilities and an excessive need for self admiration. Hmmm … is that the sound of clanging bells I hear in the distance … ding … ding … DING! It seems to me that this is the way that popular culture is moving. The cult of SELF. Hmmmm.

Let me illustrate this one for you. American Idol auditions are a primary example. How many people have you seen who in no way, shape or form can get near to singing in just one key … in fact, they can’t sing – PERIOD. When the judges tell them this, they are shocked, outraged and furious. Some of them even have their singing coach with them telling them that they are brilliant and the judges don’t know squat! They storm out with loud protests about how rude and incompetent the judges are … with their family, friends or vocal coaches trailing in their wake saying, “that’s right. Yeah. You’re brilliant. What do they know? …” A wee verse from Timothy (2 Tim 4:2) springs to mind … how people will gather around them those who will tickle their ears with the things they want to hear.

How do we find our balance in all of this? Jars of Clay have a fantastic song called Art In Me. There is a line that keeps repeating throughout the song, “see the art in me”. I love this. Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we are God’s workmanship. When I looked up the greek for the word workmanship, there is an implication that we are his art pieces. Don’t you love that? We are God’s art pieces. When I was in downtown Chicago this summer I saw this fabulous sculpture at Millenium Park. When the artist created this, they used normal, every day people like you and me.

People who know art can look at a Renoir or Picasso and identify it by style. Likewise, they could hear an unknown Beethoven symphony and say, “Oh yes. No doubt. That one is definitely a Beethoven.” How do they know this? It’s because the essence of the artist is impregnated in their art piece. People should be able to look at us as God’s art pieces and say, “oh yes. That one is definitely a God one. No doubt about it …”

Now I want you to imagine a priceless work of art. Imagine someone gazing upon one a Renoir and taking their pen out and deciding to make some corrections or write all over it. Unfortunately, this is what happens with the beautiful art pieces God has made. People get out their yellow stickies and they start to label … they use powerful words and they stick them all over. Words such as reject … ugly … etc

How dare we do this? How dare we muddy up and damage that which God says is good. We have the power of life and death in our tongues. What labels do you put on your children? Many of you might even be thinking, “oh no. I wouldn’t do that. I know the power of words in their lives. So, lets turn your gaze inwards. What words do you speak over your own lives? Working with computers, I get to work with many teachers and I hear comments like, “oh I’m so stupid” or “I am just a loser with technology …” Be careful of your confession.” Who does God say you are?

Often our greatest weaknesses, can also be our greatest strengths. It all depends how we are looking? The words you see above … are words spoken over my life. All labels I have been given at various times. But what does God say? Lets remember to keep his perspective and to try and help our children see that as well.

The way to keep a balance in how we see ourselves is to remember that we are created beings. In fact, we can stand in front of the mirror in the mornings, look at ourselves and praise god for his work. David says in Ps 139 that His work is wonderful. Do you hear that - you are wonderful? Why? Because you are God's craftmanship. You reflect him. Remember that today as you walk through life ... and live under His smile. Know you are loved.

Intrepid Journeys ...

2008-11-23T16:13:00.005+09:00

This is a devotion I did with our school wide staff last month. Some of you may be quite familiar with the themes here, but enjoy anyway.

The town where I grew up has great scenery. I love to hang at the beach, but we also have the Otaki Gorge and hills. Often we would take drives up the gorge. The scenery was stunning, but as a child I would freak a little. If I sat on the wrong side of the car, I would look out the window and at times there were sheer drops into huge ravines. Sometimes I would hold my breath and other times, close my eyes, but we always made it through!

Our lives are a journey. The road winds through many different landscapes … some breathtaking and some quite scarey! I want to talk to you about part of the journey I have been on in the last 18 months. For me to share this is quite personal and not entirely comfortable, but there have been some great lessons that have come out of it.

First of all, let me describe the landscape for you and then, I will explain some of the things I have been learning along the way. Just under 18 months ago (March last year), I flew home to my brother’s wedding. I took an additional day’s sick leave as things were not quite right in my body and I wanted to have it checked at home. I ran around doing a bunch of tests and then headed down to the wedding. Not long after getting back to Korea, my Mum phoned me and said there was a message on her answer machine from my doctor saying I needed to contact them immediately and go in urgently. Basically my tests had returned some really high levels of prolactin. Mum took the test results to her doctor to see if it was something I could wait until summer to deal with and he said I needed to deal with it immediately. So I went to Severance and after a bunch more tests, was diagnosed with a tumour on my pituitary gland. The tumour is benign and I have been having treatment for that for the past 17 months.

Then, in September 07, my niece Ruby was diagnosed with Leukaemia. If she could have a good kind of leukaemia, she has it (ALL). There is high success rate with ALL - when the child is 2 or over at diagnosis. In Ruby’s case she was 13 months old. So doctors are very cautious about her prognosis. For our family this was devastating. Cancer is a scary word for all of us, but we lost my Dad at age 49 to cancer, so it was even more scary. Ruby is doing well … I always think of my Grandfather when I think of her journey. We used to say how much longer in the way kids do, and he would always respond with. “Up. Down and round the corner!” That describes her journey to a T! Up, Down, and round the corner. She pushes on and there is such an amazing peace and positivity in that house. Your prayers are definitely felt. Thank you.

This summer, my body was still off and things were not going well. While travelling in Greece I contacted my mother and asked her to book me specialist appointments etc during the 12 days that I would be in NZ. I got to NZ late on the Thursday night, ran around doing a bunch of bloodwork etc on the Friday and then flew down to my Mothers on the Saturday. On Tuesday I went in to the see the specialist. She told me I was the whitest white girl she had ever seen and said that my blood work showed I was seriously anaemic. This has been an ongoing issue for me but it was the worst it has ever been. Basically, my haemoglobin (which is the red cells that push oxygen around your body) was 75. Under 90 is normally grounds for a blood transfusion but because of flying in just a week, it would increase blood clot risks so we did not do that. In addition, my iron stores were so low they could not even get a reading. My specialist sent me for more tests. The next morning, I got a phone call saying that I had to go back to the hospital for surgery as there were growths that needed to be removed. I was frightened (I don’t deal well with needles at the best of times) and asked if we could leave it to Christmas. Her response was that she would be negligent, there was no way she could leave me in the condition that I was in and that I would be in hospital in Korea within a month or two if we continued the way things were going. So, I went back for surgery. She could not do a long one because of the shape I was in, but it was enough to get me through to Christmas. The ongoing part of that journey is that I have to go home for a hysterectomy before Christmas. I had kind of reconciled myself to the idea that as I was pushing 40 and not in a relationship, I might never have kids. But now I know, there is a gulf between “might not” and ‘never” and to have the choice taken from me was quite devastating. I went through a wee angry phase and the last thing I needed to hear was the word adopt! I am an adopted child and very pro adoption, but it is not an easy process and it is a very different issue to dealing with loss of your fertility and all that brings.

So … that is my landscape, lets talk about the lessons I have been learning along the way.

1. Acknowledge Where You Are
We have a tendency to compare our roads to other peoples and then we don’t deal with the issues on our road! When I was diagnosed with my tumour, my first response was positive. I celebrated the fact that it was benign, I rejoiced that I had a doctor here who understood my need to ask questions and could take time to explain things to me. I was thankful that I could get the medication of my choice.

What I did not acknowledge for a while (because I was being positive) was the impact that this tumour was having on my life and it was huge. There were nights I did not sleep because my body would get on an adrenaline kick and be buzzing. The drugs were hammering me, making me exhausted and dizzy. Normally I am a sharp thinker and my brain was just fuzzy, I would loose track of things I was saying in the middle of teaching. Between January and March, this all just hammered me and took a toll. I went to Cambodia and asked friends to pray with me to have an encounter with God. I needed to hear from him. I had the most incredible time and it really helped me get my feet back under me.

2. Share your Burdens
How many times do your hear, “a problem shared is a problem halved”. As I was being hammered by my tumor and the meds, I did not feel I could share with my family. The main reason was because of Ruby’s sickness. I compared myself to her and thought of all she and the family were going through. My thinking was that I could not add a burden to my family. What could they do? I was here, they were in NZ and so it would be selfish of me. Wrong thinking. Our suffering or pain is ours and it is what it is. We deal with the things we need to. They are not invalid because someone else is going through it worse. Someone else will always be worse than us!

3. Thorns Are A Gift!
Our natural reaction is to holler and say get it out! Paul says, "My grace is enough; It's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness .."

"Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and BEGAN APPRECIATING THE GIFT (caps mine). It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness." (2 Cor 12:7 - The Message)

What have I learnt about wrestling and thorns? We don't like thorns. We don't like pain. We shy away from them and we plead with God to take them from us. We struggle, we wrestle, we fight. People, our thorns are GIFTS. Yes, you heard me right. They are gifts. They teach us that we need God. They reveal that we are crippled. They remind us that our strength is not enough. Ps 20:7 says, "some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will trust in the name of the Lord our God." The word trust (as in trust in God) comes from a hebrew word that is also translated as "remember". The word is "zakar" and it means, "call to mind". Basically the message is clear. Our thorns are gifts because they help us bring to mind who we should be leaning on. They help us bring to mind that we are not all powerful, strong and in control.

One final thought about thorns, Psalm 103 says, "you crown me with love and compassion". It is so true. But think about this, what crown did Jesus wear? If he wore a crown of thorns, surely we can accept the ONE that we are honored with?

4. We Are Never Alone
Our journey has twists and turns and even long dark tunnels! Dark times come to all of us … those seasons where we can’t see God, we can’t sense him and we cry, as Christ did on the cross, “My God, My God … why have you forsaken me?” I have heard many a sermon that says Jesus cried out because God turned his back on him. If you look back at the three gospel accounts that mention this scene, we do not find scripture that supports this. Could it be that Jesus in a moment of humanity, with the weight of the sin of the world on his shoulders, in the agony of the cross, immersed in darkness, could no longer see God? Could it be that in our dark times, when we lose the awareness of God, and it feels like he is a long way away, that he is actually right there with us and has not forsaken us at all?

Hebrews 4:14-16 tells us, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin.” Jesus knows what it is like to be overwhelmed in the darkness and feel like God is a million miles away. He can empathise and understand me, when I am in this place. He has been there and he came out the other side. Even though Jesus felt alone, God was still there. The beauty of this scripture is in the next part: “let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Who is this God that we worship in our dark times? The one who sits on a throne of grace. The one who has walked in our dark places and is the light that shines in our darkness.

5. God Always Provides Anchors
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf.
Hebrews 6:17-20

As I have reflected over my life, I have noticed that when storms come that could shipwreck my faith, God has always provided anchors. They are there if I will just look around and SEE. Of course he is our hope and our anchor but, the anchors that I am talking about are the things he puts in place to help me see Him, and hold on.

When I was about 14 or 15, someone gave me Isaiah 54 to meditate on. This chapter has been an anchor for me many times in life, and God has spoken to me again and again in different seasons through this passage. For me, it is a "life scripture". When I got to NZ in the summer, I stayed with my friends Craig and Annette. On Friday, I had a full day running around in the car, running errands, shopping etc. Before I left in the morning Annette gave me a CD of a friend talking and said I had to listen as it was excellent. So as I drove I listened. My friend was talking about worship in hard times. She touched on Isaiah 54, and it starts, "sing, o barren woman ..." The scripture was a call to worship even in times of great difficulty and fruitlessness. Could I have had a more perfect scripture with the circumstances facing me? While in Cambodia, God spoke very clearly through scripture to me about fruitfulness and abundance. While my outward circumstances would appear to mock that, I choose to believe that I will be a fruitful woman!

I have to smile at the anchors God put out for me in this season. "SING o barren woman. SING. Worship me. Focus on me and not the storm. Don't be afraid. Be Still. Peace child." Once again, he has gone before me, putting in place the anchors for me to cling to ... he has provided safety in the storm. The timing of that CD was amazing. God was not caught by surprise by this season in my life. He knew it was coming. He provided me with something to cling to as the waves grew.

This summer I did a bunch of reading and one book I loved was Mosaic, by Amy Grant. There is one story in there that really moved me. Amy was talking with a friend who was dying. She asked Amy, "do you know what the most important colour is in an artist's palette?" As Amy thought through the possible colours, she continued, "Child, it's black. Black is the most important colour for an artist. You see, without black, there is no depth. Without black, everything appears flat. But mix black with any colour and you can paint an object so real you want to reach out and touch it."

Amy went on to say, "in our lives, the darkest times, the days that are bleak and black, add depth to every other experience. Like the dark bits of colour in a mosaic, they add the contrast and shadows that give beauty to the whole, but they are just a small part of the big picture."

There is hope for your journey. Even though you may encounter some long dark tunnels, you are not alone, there is one who has traveled the road before, who knows the way and who will travel with you.

Out of The Mouth of Babes

2008-10-27T17:42:00.002+09:00

Last Friday I was on outside lunch duty with the Junior and Senior Kindergarten kids. About 10 minutes before the end of lunch, a wild windstorm started. Tree branches were whipping back and forth ... debris was flying everywhere and children were stampeding around the playground screaming, "it's a hurricane" ... and, "it's a tornado!"

In the midst of the screaming and the chaos, Jenna ran up to me. Breathlessly, she looked at me and said with the utmost confidence, "I can stop this storm. I know how." Of course, she engaged my curiousity, so I looked back at her and said, "really? How do you do that Jenna?" Her response was to press her hands firmly together in prayer pose and say, "well you just push your hands together like this and you send a message to God to stop it. Sometimes it takes a little while, but he always does."

I was sharing this with a friend and as I was retelling the story, the impact of what Jenna said hit me. Yes, sometimes the winds come up and things are wild. Stuff is flying all around us. What do we do in the storm? Why, take a moment, stop, focus and ask God to deal with it. He always does. Not necessarily in our timing and not necessarily the way we would like, but he always comes through.

We serve a God who walks on wild waves. We serve a God who says, look at me, get out of the boat and join me. We serve a God who says, "Be not afraid. I will never leave you. Have courage. Walk with me." We serve a God who reaches down from on high when we are overwhelmed, who lifts our feet out of the mud and mire we get bogged down in, and gives us a firm place to stand. We serve a God who calms the storms. What are you doing in the midst of your storm?

Just like the Sound .... of Silence ...

2008-10-13T07:37:00.003+09:00

What can I say?

At the moment ... nothing ...

I have no extra energy for thinking ... to do that, I need to sit and be. I work ... and I sleep. Not a lot of "being" going on at the moment. Work has been crazy and will be probably until I leave for NZ in 8 weeks. I am completing training in being a certified Smart Board Trainer ... I have two batches of reports to write (so thats about 860) - first batch due in a couple of weeks and then I need to write the 2nd batch before I leave as i will not be around for the end of the 2nd quarter. I am presenting 3 workshops this Friday at a large Korean International Teachers conference. We are in the midst of a huge tech audit school wide ... budgets are looming ...

I have just spent both days this weekend in a workshop about 21st century skills. I am adjudicating IB Music recitals tonight or tomorrow (or maybe both ... better find out :) )

The weekend before last I had a fantastic time in Shanghai with my friends from Perth who were up celebrating Fiona's 50th birthday. I got back Sunday night and had a friend arrive that same night for 4 days for a quick visit. Great stuff, but all very exhausting!

I will comment on the picture above (taken in Shanghai) ... love, love, LOVE the joy on these kids faces. They are caught up in the excitement and scariness of rain and wind ... who cares if the umbrella is inside out ... laugh ... be ... and be filled with joy! Great wee lesson for us in life there eh?!

I continue to take my pills and try not to freak out about surgery approaching. You can pray for me in terms of hospitals and flights to sort out. The hospital my surgeon works at, won't work with my health insurance company (Aetna). Aetna only have one hospital in NZ - in Auckland - which is 8 hours away from my family so not suitable at all. My surgeon has put me on the surgical roster at Southern Cross Hospital in Wellington and my insurance has written to them guaranteeing to cover my surgical costs (apart from my copay). I have not heard from the hospital that they are okay with this, so that is this week's project ... chase down the finance person and find out. My surgery will cost between 16,000 and 24,000 NZD so I have to get this one resolved.

In addition I need to sort out return flights to Seoul with Singapore Airlines. I had flights booked for Christmas and had a nightmare changing to the beginning of December for the surgery. I need to find out where they are in Seoul and get in there in person to sort this one I think. Hopefully that will be next weeks mission if I get the hospital sorted this week.

So ... apologies for my lack of stimulating thoughts at the moment ... life is just about survival - hence the silence!

Seeing ...

2008-09-16T23:21:00.003+09:00

Cast your mind back a few years to the movie, Billy Elliott. One of the most tragic scenes for me, was where Billy's father took the dead mother's piano, and chopped it into firewood. I was so grieved. To me it was not just that Billy had lost one of his last links with his mother, but the fact that life was so hard and survival so difficult, there was no room for art or beauty, only function. The piano was reduced to its basest elements - wood for the fire.

The world needs artists. As the old Apple slogan goes, these are the people who "think different". Artists come in all shapes and sizes: dancers, actors, designers, visual artists, musicians, writers, poets, sculptors ... Artists hear the sound within a sound, see outside the box, create something out of nothing, give vision, form or word to thoughts, feelings and emotions. Artists remind us life is more than existance. They remind us to take the time to live, to experience, to feel, to reflect and see, to dream of what could be that is not yet. Yes, the world needs more artists. Imagine a world without creativity.

Creativity is a wonderful gift. Most children start life with this inherent in them. After all, we are created in the image of the creator God, why wouldn't we be creative also? Sometimes, it is knocked out of children through discouragement. Sometimes, they do not get the opportunity to nurture their creative side. One of the saddest things for me as a teacher is seeing how our children are becoming so busy that they have lost the time to play. Play time is the nursery of creativity. It is where creativity is fed, nurtured and grows. If we do not take time to play, creativity will be stifled.

Often we have preordained ideas of what creativity looks like. We think if we are not an artist or a musician, poet or sculptor, that we are not creative. Many years ago, one of my good friends said to me that he wished he was creative like I was. I replied that I thought he was incredibly creative. He stared at me as if I had lost my mind, so I illustrated my thought with a few examples. He is incredibly skilled at welding and building things. When I was given a very expensive synthesizer (I was a student at the time with very little $$) he and a friend, designed and built a road case and a stand for me. Another time I had rust in my car and needed work on it to pass a warrant. I was living in Auckland and it was going to cost a lot. Brian said to bring it down and he would do it for me. I watched in amazement as he cut out the rust, eyed the hole, picked up some sheet metal and cut it to size, then welded it in place. Creativity for sure! There is no way I could have done any of the above things. Here was someone using his very practical skills, in a very creative way. Don't put creativity in a box! It doesn't belong there!

A visit to a Cirque du Soleil show is the opportunity to see creativity in action. Any time I can catch one of their shows, I do. It is money well spent. They demonstrate creativity operating at its highest levels. Every part of the show is art in action. Props are never just brought on and off, they become part of the show. The lighting, music, costumes and staging is all phenomenal. When I attend a Cirque show, I feel the magic of being a child all over again. I sit there with a sense of wonder and awe (and usually a big smile on my face).

There are moments that I have this same sense with God. These moments NEVER occur in the height of busyness. Sometimes it is when I am just still in his presence. Sometimes, it is when I am at the beach or in the mountains. Sometimes it is when I see someone doing what they were born to do ... sometimes it is a majestic sunset or just the simple design on a flower. We serve a creative God. He is the God that designs endless sets of fingerprints. He is the God that designs one-off, never to be repeated snowflakes. Best of all he is the God that created you and me. To quote my friend Kathy Koch, each one of us is "a unique, one of a kind, unrepeatable, never to be seen again, miracle." Yes, that's right. You. YOU. Jars of Clay sing a great song, with a wonderful line, "see the art in me". Like any good art piece, the artist is reflected in their work. Are people seeing the master artist in you?

Anchors

2008-08-25T03:59:00.005+09:00

Because God wanted to make the unchanging nature of his purpose very clear to the heirs of what was promised, he confirmed it with an oath. God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf.
Hebrews 6:17-20

Over the past couple of weeks I have been thinking about anchors. In particular I have been reflecting over life events and have noticed that when storms come that could shipwreck my faith, God has always provided anchors. They are there if I will just look around and SEE. Of course he is our hope and our anchor but, the anchors that I am talking about are the things he puts in place to help me see Him, and hold on.

I could give many examples of this and I will provide a recent one. When I was about 14 or 15, someone gave me Isaiah 54 to meditate on. This chapter has been an anchor for me many times in life, and God has spoken to me again and again in different seasons through this passage. For me, it is a "life scripture". Recently (about 3 weeks ago) I arrived home in New Zealand for a 12 day visit. I arrived in Auckland late on a Thursday night and stayed with my friends Craig and Annette. On Friday, I had a full day running around in the car, running errands, shopping etc. Before I left in the morning Annette gave me a CD of a friend talking and said i had to listen as it was excellent. So as I drove I listened. My friend was talking about worship in hard times. She touched on Isaiah 54, and it starts, "sing, o barren woman ..." The scripture was a call to worship even in times of great difficulty and fruitlessness. The CD was excellent and encouraging and Annette told me to take it with me. I thought it would be a great one to share with friends here in Korea.

On the Tuesday I had to go and see a gynnie in Wellington as I had been having some issues. I was not prepared for the outcomes of that visit. Firstly my iron has hit rock bottom again ... the worst it has been for me ever and I am severely anaemic at the moment. She told me I was one step out of hospital and as a result I am now a walking pill bottle - taking 15 pills a day (not counting the meds I take for my tumor). In addition, she told me that I would need a hysterectomy at Christmas. She went through other options and explained why they would not be suitable for me. I went for a bunch of tests and went home.

The next day I had a phone call saying I had to go back in that afternoon for surgery as there were growths etc. I was afraid, and quite upset. Long story short, I did go in. I had a horrific time with the IV needle - they could not get it in and there were 5 attempts before they did. I am a bit of a toughy but I was actually balling by the end of it - couldn't speak, just cried. Even more traumatic when you have a needle phobia to begin with.

So, here I am back in Korea and this event has really rocked me. At 39 and still single, I had started to reconcile myself to the fact that I might not have children and I had been told a few years back that fertility could be an issue. However, in the past couple of weeks I have learnt that there is a gulf between might not and NEVER. To have the choice taken from me is quite devastating. I have never defined myself as a woman by being a mother. It has completely come out of left field and knocked me for a 6. So at the moment I am dealing with all sorts of emotion over this ... fear of the surgery and needles ... grief at never being able to conceive a child ... anger at the fruitlessness and lack of payoff for something that has been a negative in my life since it started. If I allowed myself, I could get caught up in the thought of, "enough God. I have to deal with my tumor, Ruby and now you are asking me to deal with this as well?" Each one of these things could derail me.

And yet ... I have to smile at the anchors God put out for me in this season. "SING o barren woman. SING. Worship me. Focus on me and not the storm. Don't be afraid. Be Still. Peace child." Once again, he has gone before me, putting in place the anchors for me to cling to ... he has provided safety in the storm. The timing of that CD was amazing. God was not caught by surprise by this season in my life. He knew it was coming.

While thinking about anchors, I did a little research. Did you know that the earliest anchors were rocks? We stand on THE rock. He is our firm place to stand. And as the scripture says, "when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock ..." That's where you will find me at the moment ... clinging on ...

"Basic anchoring consists of determining the location, dropping the anchor, laying out the scope, setting the hook, and assessing where the vessel ends up." (Wiki) God has already done this. He knows my location and where I will end up ... he has already prepared the anchor.

Wiki also informed me that, "A good anchorage offers protection from the current weather conditions, and will also offer protection from the expected weather." Well, what can I say there. He is my shelter from the storm.

I will leave you with this beautiful song by Steven Curtis Chapman ...

I have come to this ocean
And the waves of fear are starting to grow
The doubts and questions are rising with the tide
So I´m clinging to the one sure thing I know

CHORUS
I will hold on to the hand of my Savior
And I will hold on with all my might
I will hold loosely to things that are fleeting
And hold on to Jesus
I will hold on to Jesus for life

I´ve tried to hold many treasures
They just keep slipping through my fingers like sand
But there´s one treasure that means more than breath itself
So I´m clinging to it with everything I am

(CHORUS)

Like a child holding on to a promise
I will cling to His word and believe
As I press on to take hold of that
for which Christ Jesus took hold of me
Hold on for life

[Repeat Chorus]

Back In The USSR ...

2008-08-16T21:57:00.002+09:00

Well actually, it's back in Seoul but it doesn't have the same catchy tune as "Back in the USSR ..."

Sorry, not a lot of blogging going on at the moment ... Had a few biggies to deal with lately ... I look at my blog, read the last two posts and at the moment, I can't believe the timing of writing them. The last 2 weeks have brought some challenges and I really don't have much to add to those two posts ... just needing to meditate on them at the moment.

I will blog more later but can I leave you with one thought blog buddies? ... It's this. When people are going through dark times or hard times, its okay to come alongside them and just be. You don't need to say anything ... just be... Sometimes, life is hard and tough things happen. We don't know how to respond to loved ones going through stuff ... and sometimes, we try to make it better. Sometimes, it is just not going to be better. And you know what? Thats okay. We deal. Stuff has happened for me in the last two weeks that is a bit difficult to deal with. One of my dear friends rang me after I texted her and she said, "I don't know what to say. Its awful." And you know what ... she was right. It is awful. Nothing will change that.

What meant the world to me, was that she rang anyway.

Know that in the midst of our dark times, the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it. God is never caught by surprise. When you don't know what to say or do ... just be. It's okay. HE knows.

Never Alone

2008-07-14T21:29:00.004+09:00

In Part One of this blog, I discussed the idea of whether or not God SENDS trials on his children to test our faith. In this blog I want to talk about where God is in the midst of our dark times.

Lets come back to the idea of Jesus on the cross. Jesus, overwhelmed with all that he is bearing, feeling isolated, cut off and alone. Hebrews 4:14-16 tells us, “we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin.” Jesus knows what it is like to be overwhelmed in the darkness and feel like God is a million miles away. He can empathise and understand me, when I am in this place. He has been there and he came out the other side. Even though Jesus felt alone, God was still there. The beauty of this scripture is in the next part: “let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Who is this God that we worship in our dark times? The one who sits on a throne of grace. The one who has walked in our dark places and is the light that shines in the darkness.

Isaiah 54 is a favourite scripture for me … let these words from vs 11-12 soak into your spirit:
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord who has compassion on you. “O afflicted city lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and your walls of precious stones.”

Where is God in this? He is with us, in us, and working in the darkness to bring forth something beautiful.

Most of us know the scripture from Isaiah 40 – “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Have you ever considered the context of this scripture? Right before this, God is talking to the Israelites. Basically they are complaining that God is disregarding their issues, that he does not see them and is not involved with where they are at. Wah wah! Ever been there? God’s response to them is, “do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth …” (whoa! What did we look at in 1 Cor 10:13? God is the creator God who can make something out of something! He knows and he has a plan. His ways might not be our ways, but he has a plan and he is involved.) He goes on to say, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak…” Wow. Hope for the hopeless. Hope for those of us struggling in the dark, wondering where God is. This is the pattern all through scriptures … to just take a few:-

Is 41:17 “The poor and needy search for water – I will answer them – I won’t forsake them.”

Is 42:6 “I will take hold of your hand”

Is 42:16 “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth … I will not forsake them.”

Is 43:2 “When you pass through the waters I will be with you, when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you …”

Is 44:6 “he restores our ruins …”

Is 45:3 “ I will give you the treasures of darkness – riches stored in secret places …”

Is 45:5 “I will strengthen you …”

Is 46:4 “I made you, will sustain you and rescue you …”

I could go on and on but by now I am sure you get the point. Where is God is our darkness. Right there with us.

Who is this God that we worship in our dark times?

Jehovah – Our Redeemer

Jehovah Jireh. This actually means "the one who sees". God sees it all – as Alpha and Omega, he sees the beginning and the end. Nothing we go through is a surprise to him. Therefore, he has a plan. He will provide a way out.

Just like David realised in Ps 139, “if I make my bed in the depths you are there, if I rise on the wings of the dawn and settle on the far side of the sea, even there, your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” (vs 8-12)

Are we all alone in the darkness?

No … we are never alone.

Forsaken?

2008-07-14T21:05:00.006+09:00

Group Singalong: All by myself, don’t wanna be … all by myself …”

“My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

Dark times come to all of us … those seasons where we can’t see God, we can’t sense him and we cry, as Christ did on the cross, “My God, My God … why have you forsaken me?” I have heard many a sermon that says Jesus cried out because God turned his back on him. If you look back at the three gospel accounts that mention this scene, we do not find scripture that supports this. Could it be that Jesus in a moment of humanity, with the weight of the sin of the world on his shoulders, in the agony of the cross, immersed in darkness, could no longer see God? Could it be that in our dark times, when we lose the awareness of God, and it feels like he is a long way away, that he is actually right there with us and has not forsaken us at all?

All too often, those going through hard times hear well meaning words from other Christians … words designed to comfort, that instead inflict further pain … words such as, “well, God is testing your faith and won’t let you go through any more than you can handle.” When we hear statements such as these, sermons about God turning his back on his Son, or go through dark times, it can cause us to wonder, “Just who is this God that we worship?” Lets look a bit closer at this.

God Will Never Allow Us To Go Through More Than We Can Handle
Firstly, lets look at the scripture that this idea comes from. 1 Cor 10-:13b says, “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

God won’t let us be WHAT? Tempted. This scripture is not about our trials and hardships. It’s about temptation! The context of 1 Cor 13 is Paul discussing the various temptations that the Israelites had succumbed to. Nevertheless, lets break down this scripture. In our dark times, we can be tempted and there are some principles here that we can take to heart.

Faithful comes from the Greek word “Pistos”. This means “worthy of trust”. We can take that idea into our hard times. God is worthy of our trust. I will deal with this idea more fully further on.

Tempted comes from the Greek word “Peirasmos”. This means, “a trial of man’s fidelity, integrity, virtue, constancy – an enticement of internal temptation to sin.” It can also mean, “adversity, affliction and trouble that tests one character” but this is clearly not the context of 1 Cor 13.

Provide A Way comes from the Greek word “Poieo”. This means, “make ready, make a thing out of something.” I LOVE this idea! God takes something that exists and then makes something new! He is the creator God – endlessly creative. Not only does he create great things out of nothing, he takes something already in existence and can make something new out of it! We don’t have to be able to handle the situation. It is God’s job to handle it. It is our job to look to and lean on him. How full of hope and promise is that when are walking through tough situations?!

God Sends Trials To Test Us.
This idea implies that God is the author of our misfortune. This is not the God I know! My God is not a God who sends horrific tragedies on his children and watches impassively to see if we pass the test.

In The Shack, God tells Willy the following:
"Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colours."

We live in a fallen world … a world where there is sickness … a world where there is evil and a world where bad things happen to good people. Does this mean God sent these things? No! Do these trials and tragedies test our faith? I would have to say, “yes!” These are the very fires through which our faith is tested and proven … but not tested like a classroom test. Instead our faith is tested in the manner of precious metal. The fire burns away the dross and gets down to the core.

James 1:2-4 says that we are to consider it pure joy whenever we face trials of many different kinds, because we know that the testing of our faith develops perseverance. It goes on to say that perseverance must finish its work in us so that we may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything.

Be very careful about how you handle this scripture with those going through hard times. Do you get to tell the newly wed who just lost his wife to consider it joy? Do you tell the woman who just saw dearly loved friends shot and killed by evil men while she sheltered her husband and child, that God is testing her? No. Can God bring good out of this? Yes. He is the creator God. He can work good in all things and take that which was meant to destroy us bring good out of it.

If we break down this scripture, we get a little more insight:

Testing comes from the Greek “dokimion”, which means proving. Our trials do test and prove our faith, but as mentioned earlier, this does not mean God sends them.

Perseverance (sometimes translated patience) comes from the Greek word ”Hupomone” which means, “steadfastness, constancy and endurance.” It also means, “someone not swerved from deliberate purpose and loyalty to faith and piety by even the greatest trials and sufferings”. Wow. There is the idea here of choice. In our hard times, we have a choice to see God seated on the throne. We have a choice to lift our eyes up to our God. We have a choice to focus on him instead of circumstances.

Check back tomorrow for Part Two of This Blog: Never Alone

Summer Reading

2008-07-11T00:41:00.004+09:00

Sorry about the absence of posts lately ... it's summer. I have been travelling (Greece, Korea, USA) and not posting! I am thinking and there is a blog post brewing ...

One of my favourite things to do in summer, is read! I love to read ... and fortunately (sometimes unfortunately) for me I am a fast reader. So often I will read a book a day - either one in the morning or one in the evening ... Since being in the States (a week now - not counting my conference) I have been reading! Some of my reading has been fluff but I have read some excellent books as well and I thought I would share with you the ones I think are MUST reads for everyone! I have included links for each of the books to Amazon in case you are feeling the urge!

1. The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine M.D
This book is a quick read and is a must if you are female or want to understand females. One of the best things from the 1990s is the advanced technology in brain scanning and the insight it now gives us in gender differences that are wired into our makeup. I found this book full of eye opening "wow" moments and will be buying it for a few people. Brizendine writes in an easy manner with lots of stories and humour, so it is an easy read and well worth the effort!

2. Mosaic by Amy Grant
This is a treat in writing. Basically, Amy shares a bunch of stories from her life and they have beautiful, thought provoking God moments in them. Some have made me think. Here is a quote from the introduction that really caught me. Amy is talking with a friend who is dying. She asks Amy, "do you know what the most important colour is in an artist's palette?" As Amy is thinking through the possible colours, she continues, "Child, it's black. Black is the most important colour for an artist. You see, without black, there is no depth. Without black, everything appears flat. But mix black with any colour and you can paint an object so real you want to reach out and touch it."

Amy goes on to say, "in our lives, the darkest times, the days that are bleak and black, add depth to every other experience. Like the dark bits of colour in a mosaic, they add the contrast and shadows that give beauty to the whole, but they are just a small part of the big picture."

Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. M.D. Ph.D
There is huge concern in educational circles today about the failure of boys in schools. You cannot ignore the numbers. I must say that I picked this one up with a healthy dose of skepticism but Sax convinced me. He explores 5 factors that he believes are driving the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys and underachieving young men. It is an easy read with lots of stories - and if you have a son or teach boys, you need to read this. The five points he covers in detail are video games, teaching methods, prescription drugs (and the huge amounts of misdiagnosis of ADHD), endocrine disruptors and devaluation of masculinity. Again, like The Female Brain, this book takes much of the last ten years of brain research into account.

4. The Shack by William P. Young
This is an amazing fiction story. Up front, I have to say that I was not too impressed with the writing, but the ideas in the book make it well worth the read. Basically, a man loses his daughter to a serial killer while staying at a shack. One day he finds a note in his letterbox. The note is from God (known as Papa) and it invites him back to the shack for the weekend. This book has beautiful ideas in it and is quite powerful. Here are a couple of quotes I really like (my favourite will be in my next blog as it exemplifies exactly what I am wanting to say!).

"faith does not grow in the house of certainty ..."

Here's another one - Jesus speaking:
"I don't want to be first among a list of values; I want to be at the centre of everything. Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the centre of a mobile, where everything in your life - your friends, family, occupation, thoughts, activities - is connected to me, but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."

This next idea, I just love ... it's God speaking and takes the idea of "I am" - the idea that God is a moving, active force. He is a verb, not a noun! Check this out:
"I am a verb. I am that I am. I will be who I will be. I am a verb! I am alive, dynamic, ever active, and moving ... " " ... as my very essence is verb, I am more attuned to verbs than nouns. Verbs such as confessing, repenting, living, loving, responding, growing, reaping, changing, sowing, running, dancing, singing. Humans have a knack for taking a verb that is alive and full of grace and turning it into a dead noun or principle that reeks of rules: something growing and alive dies. Nouns exist because there is a created universe and physical reality, but if the universe is only a mass of nouns, it is dead. Unless "I Am", there are no verbs, and verbs are what makes the universe alive."

This book is a must read!

5. How Am I Smart Dr. Kathy Koch
Want to know about yourself and how you are wired? Want to know about your kids and how they are wired? This book by Dr Kathy is one of the best books on multiple intelligences I have ever read. One of the things that makes this book a standout from other ones (not counting the easy to read, lots of stories and illustrations etc) is that Dr Kathy goes through the characteristics of the different intelligences, the strengths and weaknesses, and also gives advice on how you can strengthen the various intelligences. Even better for Christian parents, Dr Kathy writes from a Christian world view!

You can get this book through the Celebrate Kids website (click link above) or Amazon.

So ... there it is people ... my current must-reads for summer. At the moment I am reading about the world superclass and how their use of power affects the world but I wouldn't recommend it. I also have read another 3 - 4 fluffy froth, mindless novels but again, I am trying to give you the books that I think are must reads!

Happy reading!

Eagles

2008-06-14T05:22:00.004+09:00

But they that wait upon the Lord
shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
and they shall walk and not faint
Isaiah 40:31

I had coffee with a friend the other day. We are still getting to know each other and I love spending time with her ... she is a lady of grace and wisdom with a lot of depth. I come away from our conversations sparked and encouraged! This past week, we were sharing some life stories, and I shared about my experiences of this past year. She talked about travelling lightly and i was reminded of one of the threads that God spoke to me about in Cambodia. Eagles.

I think I referred to the Isaiah scripture in a previous blog but I can't find it so let me rehash it here.

When we first read this scripture, we have an image of strength. Perhaps you can picture an eagle flapping it's wings, soaring higher and higher. When we break down this scripture, we get a completely different image. Let's look at some of the key words.

Wait
this comes from the hebrew word "Qavah" which means, "to look for, lie in wait for, linger for, look eagerly for."

Renew
Comes from "Chalaph" - meaning "to pass through, change, sprout again."

Mount Up
Comes from "alah" - meaning "ascend, go up, meet, visit, spring up, grow, shoot forth"

The eagle is a bird that understands renewal. My friend talked about travelling lightly. She talked about how sometimes she stops and just clears herself of all the clutter. As she shared this, I thought about the incredible renewal process eagles go through. I researched this and found some very inspiring stories ... most on Christian threads! But, as I researched deeper, I found out that these are encouraging stories but urban myths. Eagles do not completely withdraw and pull all their feathers out, beat off their beaks and talons. However, this does not deny the power of the moult. Juvenile eagles are actually larger than adults. However, they go through a continual moulting process where they lose feathers and become more streamlined. This makes them more efficient in flight. Here is a thought ... in order to fly high, we need to be unencumbered. We need to be continually transformed. Romans 12:2 talks about being transformed by the renewing of our minds. When you look at the scripture, it is an ongoing thing. Like the eagle moult, our renewing is an ongoing process. It is part of growth.

Another amazing thing about eagles are their eyes. They are birds of vision. They see with great clarity and in full colour. Do we? Or are we black and white?! Eagles have two centres of focus. They can see forwards and sideways at the same time. There is a lesson for us there. When travelling through life, observing all that goes on around us, we need to keep our eyes forward and fixed on Christ as well. For blinking, they also have an inner eyelid called a nictitating membrane. Every three or four seconds, the nictitating membrane slides across the eye from front to back, wiping dirt and dust from the cornea. Because the membrane is translucent, the eagle can see even while it is over the eye. These birds constantly clear their vision. Are we allowing things to cloud ours?

The eagle searches for storms, it rides the updrafts and rises above them. Could it do this by beating its wings? No ... it just holds them open, catches the updrafts that accompany storms and rises, higher and higher, soaring above. It knows how to wait for the updrafts ... it lingers for them. It looks for them.

We see eagles as powerful, strong birds. They soar on great heights. Think about this: the strength of the eagle is not in it's ability to flap its wings and fly high. It's strength is that it knows how to hold it's wings out and soar. It's strength is that it is a bird of vision. And ... it travels lightly.

Ground Control to Major Tom ...

2008-06-10T06:56:00.004+09:00

Hi all

Just a quick note ... I am alive ... am out there somewhere ...

It has been an intense few weeks as we wrap up the school year ... I have been struggling with my drugs - so VERY tired ... it's about surviving the day at the moment which has not left a lot of time for much else.

Through all the major farewells (lots of those when working internationally) ... nearly done with reports (I write over 400 and then print everyones ... just the final print to go) ... nearly done with building the image for my computer lab ... travel arrangements nearly all in place ...

Very exciting things that have happened ... the new iphone is out! YAH ... I want one of those puppies ... but I might wait one more generation ... GREAT price! ... Our group (Chicks With Picks) recorded on the weekend ... rush job due to lack of time but we have recorded Ruby's song and another fun one that I wrote ...

Thinking ... not been a lot of time for anything much but surviving lately ... but I do have a blog post brewing ...

What has to happen this week? It's Tuesday ... so ... I need to travel to Itaewon and pick up a bunch of tailored shirts for my friends Dad ... I need to get to the post office and post Maggies birthday box (Bought her a very cool little case that has metallic corners and then is pink with glitter ... filled it with disgusting pink and glittery princess things ... as a 5 year old princess she should love it!!!) ... We have leavers assembly today ... I print report finals tomorrow (whole day job normally) ... have a haircut ... album cover to finish and print ... final mixes to listen to on the album ... a leaving coffee with a friend ... costco run (*thats a 4 hour marathon in Korea) to buy Hippos (moisture sucking things to stuff all through my house so the high humidity does not cause mould while away in the summer) ... wallpaper samples to check and decide on for my penpal coming from England (new teachers coming to Seoul get paired with old ones to help with transition ...) ... haircut ... going to Blue Man Group (the night before I fly ... I tell you, I HATE packing and will do anything to avoid it ... Blue Man Group is a great way to avoid) ... coffee with another friend ... bosses end of year evaluation ... write reflections and goals before the evaluation ... job list to make for my adjumonie (the cleaner over summer) ... clean out my office ... return overdue library books ... photocopy relevant travel sections ... final staff lunch and farewell ... sort out money and change currency ... finalise San Antonio hotel and airport arrangements ... laundry ... packing ...

Somewhere in the midst of this ... I continue to TEACH! We work a full day on Saturday and on Sunday ... I leave for Greece! Yah ... so what are my summer plans?

Fly to Greece with my friend Leslie ... we are going to Athens, Santorini and Rhodes. Fly back to Korea and the next day, fly to San Francisco. One night (and I have my shopping worked out ... as well a taking my camera down to play with the pelicans!) ... and then back to the airport to go to San Antonio where I have a technology conference for a few days. Following the conference, I am heading to Wisconsin for several weeks with my friends Jeff and Nicole (normally I stay with them in Phoenix). I then head back to Korea late July, have a couple of days downtime and then head down to Singapore for 3 days and New Zealand for 12 days. This will bring me back to Korea in mid August.

I am hanging out for my holiday ... and in no order these are the things I am excited about ...
Exploring a new country with a friend ...
Ocean and the beach ...
Seeing family ...
the beach ...
Seeing friends ...
the beach ...
great photography opportunities ...
the beach and water ...
great conversations ...
SHOPPING (Korea is no fun for shopping ... but the USA ... is shoe heaven for size 11 feet!) ...
Eating ...
New Zealand landscape ...
My beach ...

Oh ... and did I mention ... THE BEACH?!

ROLL ON SUMMER!

Health Prayer Update

2008-05-19T22:23:00.002+09:00

Hi All

Just a quick update on those of you that have prayed for Ruby or me!

Ruby
Continues to have her up and down journey. She is a wee trooper and still smiling. The past month or so, she has been really neutropenic which means her immunity has been right down. They are just coming into flu season in NZ so are being really careful with her. Your prayers are definately helping and her family are in good spirits!

Me
I had a meeting with my endo last week and my tumour has reduced in size by 2mm which is wonderful. I asked if this meant we would be reducing my meds (which my endo had mentioned several times) but she said I will probably be on them at this level for another few years. Currently I am doing way better emotionally but am still getting lots of headaches and very very tired. It's hard to explain tired because at the moment we are 4 weeks off the end of the school year and everyone is really tired. So the only way I can describe it is, take that tired, add another level onto that from my meds, and another level on that from anaemia!

Anyway, I am thanking God that my tumour is responding to meds and thanking him that I have the meds I want! Praise him with me.

Thanks

Sarah

I am Woman ... Hear Me Roar!

2008-05-15T06:14:00.003+09:00

Helen Reddy sang this song and became famous for it. Today, I am mulling over, "what does it mean to be a woman?" Over the years, I have seen many people try and define this ... it's been even harder to figure it out within the confines of the church!

Here are some of the things I have seen (and take this a little tongue in cheek ... no offense intended to anyone) ...
A Christian woman ...
- has long hair and wears lots of make up so she looks beautiful ...
- has long hair and wears NO makeup because her beauty should not come from outward adornment
- radiates with a soft glow
- is soft spoken and gentle
- wears dresses
- wears floral dresses
- home schools her children so that they are not influenced by corrupt cultures around them
- has long flowing tresses
- is quiet in church and does not speak ...
- keeps her head covered with scarves
- cooks all the meals for her family
- beats her own wheat to grind her own flour for baking her own bread ...
- never says no to her husband
- knows how to tie scarves 100 different ways to enhance her beauty
- surrenders all financial management to her husband (even if he is terrible at it!)

I could go on and on but by now you get the idea ... every single one of these, I have come accross as being held up by an ideal somewhere along the way in my christian walk! I am not someone who fits any of those moulds! And for a while it was a struggle for me. I asked questions, I challenged status quo and it made people uncomfortable at times!

So, why am I thinking about this? It's another thread that came through while God was speaking to me in Cambodia. Little things kept popping up and when I came home, it came up again. I was walking down the mountain and I sensed God speaking to me about getting more in touch with my feminine side. I actually got the giggles (anyone looking on, would have seen a crazy waygook (Korean word for foreigner) wandering down the mountain laughing hysterically!). My response to him was, "I don't know what that looks like!" I was thinking, "well God, you know!" I then sensed an immediate reply, "Go and look at the Proverbs 31 woman." I had a quicker response to that ... it went something like this: "I am not doing that! She is the woman that makes the rest of us feel completely inadequate. The ideal woman. The woman that half the Bible scholars say is a composite of all the characteristics people want in their ideal woman. Who can live up to that!?" And then I carried on down the mountain laughing even harder!

However, I did check her out again. And this time as I read, I tried to ignore the surface cultural context and take the character principles out of the text. I came up with the following list:
- she works hard
- she brings blessing to those around her
- she shows good judgement
- she is compassionate and generous
- she has strength and dignity
- she is free of anxiety and worry
- she speaks wise words and gives good counsel
- she is watchful and alert and guards that with which God has entrusted her
- she fears God

I also liked the study note on the epilogue of this chapter which says that this woman is almost a personification of wisdom. It says that like wisdom, she is worth more than rubies and that whoever finds her finds favour from God! The commentary on this chapter says that virtuous in this context literally means, "of strength and moral courage." The commentary also brought out a couple of things I missed ...
- diligently attends to expending and gathering wealth (vs 15)
- has strength and honor - good moral character (vs 25)
- wisely manages those under her stewardship (vs 27)

I like this. This Proverbs woman is not the image of the one that I have lived with for years. She is a woman that I would like to be and I don't think she is unattainable.

What does it mean to be a woman? Really, at the heart of it, I think it is about being free to be all who God made you to be - whatever package that comes in!

Toxic Wounds

2008-05-05T15:41:00.011+09:00

When I was an intern at our church, I went through a season where I was a complete and utter mess. (I like to think I have moved out of that now! :) )

One morning, our wee intern group was having devotions together and we were doing a check on each other to see how we were doing. Most of us were struggling and a little discouraged. We were quite honest and upfront with each other in this.

About an hour later, we were up in the office of our pastor (who was away on sabbatical). We had our first mentoring session with Robert Fergusson, who at the time was the head of Hillsong Bible College, as well as a pastor at Hillsong church. Robert is razor sharp, a very wise and godly man and a gifted teacher. He is one of the few people I have ever met who truly marry truth and love. Anyway, we were sitting in the office, Robert looked around with a little grin on his face and said, “So guys. How’s it going?”

We went around the room (5 of us were there) and each person said something along the lines of, “oh praise God brother. It’s great. Just awesome etc.” You get the picture. I was mad! I am looking around the room, thinking of the discouraged conversation I was part of an hour earlier and thinking, “you pack of liars!”

Robert said, “So, are there any questions you would like to ask me? Anything.” As it was my turn to speak, I decided I was just going to say it as it was (no surprise to those of you who know me!).

I said (and note the third person here), “So, what do you do when you are a leader and you are a mess. You are such a mess that you would not be in church except it’s your job. You don’t want to pray for people because what are you going to impart to them. You are just a wreck but it’s your job to be on top of it, pouring out to others.”

Robert responded along the lines of, “and you just want to be left alone in the dark. Someone turn the light out and just leave me …” As he spoke, you could see the atmosphere in the room change. Interns leant forward on their chairs and you could see a sense of relief written on their faces. The thought was evident: “someone understands, someone knows.” Robert said a few more things and it drew people out more, and heads started nodding. Then, as he drew people in (like reeling fish on a line), he sat back with a grin and said, “Well, that’s just selfish isn’t it!”

It was like a verbal slap and was I mad! I came back with both fists flying (metaphorically speaking) and said, “Well no. I am serving. I am … (note the change from third person to first here?!)” Just as I got to the “I am… “ bit, God spoke clearly and sharply in a nanosecond to me. And this is what I heard: “and why are you serving Sarah? Because you don’t want to be alone with me. You don’t want to be still. You are serving me to avoid me. And that is selfish.” Whoa. Caught me completely off guard and I shut up. Robert went on to share some life changing things that day, and it was the beginning of me getting out of my pit.

Why am I sharing this with you today? It is because I have had a question running around in my head for the last week or so. The question is this:
“What happens when our giftings get entwined with our unhealed wounds?”

Selah. Which means, pause and think on it for a moment.

I have been thinking about this a lot. And before I share my thoughts, I want to clarify a couple of things from the start. Can God use us when we are wounded? Of course. To a degree, we are all walking wounded. Can God bring good from our wounds and our scars. Absolutely. But many of us are walking around with toxic, infected, pus-oozing wounds. We have not taken time to take care of these, or allow God to. It is these wounds that I want to talk about today.

So I ask you again. What happens when our giftings get entwined with our unhealed wounds? Or even more specifically, what happens when our wounds become the driving force behind our giftings and our Christian service. What happens?

I wonder if this is how we lose sense of personal boundaries. We give and give at the expense of ourselves and our families. We serve out of wounds that tell us we are not good enough – so we do more and more and end up martyring ourselves. Something drives us to keep giving – we never feel that it is enough. We feel guilty if we put up boundaries and say no while seeing other people serving. Or perhaps we are experiencing the flip side of our lack of boundaries, and we feel resentful, if we are serving and other people say no.

I tried putting this in a context of some of our giftings. Lets take a look:
Maybe we speak and do not listen because we feel validated by what we say and how its received. Maybe we do not feel like what we say matters if we are not heard by large numbers of people. Maybe we discount the impact of our words on those in our immediate sphere of influence such as family, friends and workplaces.

Maybe we teach but we do not learn because we are afraid to look within. Maybe we teach and do not learn because we are critical of everyone else’s teaching.

Maybe we give and are not able or comfortable to receive. Maybe we give, and do not take – time for God, ourselves, families and friends. Maybe everyone else’s needs are more important than our own.

Maybe we have the spiritual gift of prophesy and we are able to see. Maybe when we see, we are harsh and judgemental instead of the voice of mercy and grace found at the feet of God.

Maybe we are evangelists and we get caught up with catching souls and forgetting the person they belong to. We get preoccupied with numbers and do not follow up or disciple those we lead to Christ. We do not get involved with their life. We move on, leaving them floundering and feeling like a number.

Maybe we have the gift of serving and we serve and serve, ignoring the service that needs to happen at home with our families. But it’s okay because we are doing the work of God, and our families should understand that. Our families are also the work of God!

I am thinking about how Jesus said, “love your neighbour as you love yourself.” Read it again: “love your neighbour as you love yourself.” That’s right people, how can we love our neighbours if we do not love ourselves? It is not an excuse to be narcissists and make ourselves the centre of our universe. I wrote a post on this concept a while back, so take some time to refresh yourself on that if you have not read it. The thing is, we cannot love our neighbours if we do not love ourselves because it will be flawed.

Somehow, over the years at church, we have made self-love an unwritten crime. We equate self-love with selfishness. We feel we are selfish if we put our needs ahead of others. Perhaps a key here is our needs vs our wants! Have we ever stopped in our lives and marriages etc to consider what we need? Have we done this in our own personal lives? I think women generally are not good at this. I am generalising, but so many women are caregivers, they feel guilty when someone elses needs do not get met and their own do. Jesus had needs. There were times when he withdrew to pray or just be with his people. He did not go on a non-stop tiki tour of meeting everyone else’s needs and wants. He knew he couldn’t. Look at the sick man by the pool. Quite probably, there were lots of people by the pool. Legend had it that if you were first in when the waters were stirred, you would be healed. You can bet your bottom dollar … there were a ton of sick people hanging out there, waiting to be first in. The thing is, there will always be people needing us and wanting us. And lets face it, it feels good to be needed and wanted doesn’t it! But, think on this. If Jesus could not meet all those demands on earth, neither can we. And if we try, or are driven by our wounds, we will be sucked dry, miss our primary callings and in the end, be of no help to anyone!

I write this post today with a sense of concern. Take some time to be still. Ask yourself these questions and ask God to speak to you. Is your life in balance? Are you being driven by unhealed wounds? Do you have a sense of guilt when you say no? Do you have any boundaries in your life? If not, why not? If not, who is suffering near you? Who in your family or friends is missing out? If you do have boundaries, are they so rigid that they are unmovable walls? Why? Do you feel unappreciated and let down by those you have tried to serve. Take some time to reflect on these questions and where you stand. Do you truly love yourselves? Are you caring for yourself so that you can better care for those God has called you to?

Father, I pray that you would draw us aside with you and speak to us about the wounds in our lives. I pray that you would heal them and bind up those who are broken hearted, those who are suffering, those who are driven. I pray that you bring peace and the knowledge that we are loved deeply by you. I pray that you would help us to prioritise our lives and that we would walk in your footsteps, according to your ways.

Amen

The Gift (s)

2008-04-24T15:22:00.003+09:00

Today is my birthday. To be quite honest, I was a little upset about today as we have parent conferences tonight and it irks me to be spending my special evening sitting waiting for an occasional parent to turn up when I could be celebrating. I felt like my birthday was a bit of a non event.

So ... when I awoke this morning, I said to God, I want to start by sharing my special day with just he and I. I sat down with my journal and thought about the gifts that God has given me. Outside of the obvious (Jesus), the thing that sprang to mind as I wrote this morning, was the gift of LIFE. The gift of being born. Now, I know that might sound strange to you, as you might be thinking ... "well duh! We are all born!" But the thing is, some of us were a little more unexpected. And it's often the unexpected babies that are at risk of their lives. As I reflected, my heart was filled with gratitude to God for protecting me. You see, I am not an accident. I was not a surprise to God. I was made on purpose, for a purpose. Ps 139 tells me that his eyes saw my unformed body when I was woven together in the secret place. It tells me that all my days were planned out before one of them came to be. It tells me that he laid his hand upon me. You see God had a plan.

39 years ago today, a mother pushed a baby into this world. She held the baby in her arms - loved it and then had to let it go - giving it up and surrendering it to the unknown. What tremendous love and courage that took. Today, 39 years ago, a mother loved the way that only a mother could, and then had her heart ripped with grief as she surrendered the baby she had carried over 9 months. She did not know then that God had a plan. That there was a purpose and it was beginning to unfold. She did not know that there was a family specially chosen, who would love her gift. Who would cherish her gift. Who would discipline it, guide it and see it become a woman with character. She did not know. But God did.

Today as I pondered on this, I thought of my family. I thought that is my second gift. I am grateful for their unconditional love, their patience, their perseverence in the face of adversity (I was not an easy child). They did not know what they were bringing home, but God did! Today, in large part, I am who I am because of them.

The third gift I am grateful for today is my friends. I can't even begin to describe how truely blessed I am with the friends I have. They have loved me, are honest with me, walk beside me, speak into my life and laugh and cry with me.

As I sat with God this morning, I wondered what I would say if he said to me, "what would you like for your birthday this year Sarah?" Outside of him, the thing that immediately sprang to my mind was beautiful Ruby. I want her to have the gift of life. That she would live and love and have life abundantly. That she would walk through life and not just live it!

I have had a marvellous day today ... I have skyped with friends from afar, I have had emails from family and other friends far away. I have been blessed with friends who sought me out today with cards and gifts. I had a class come into my office and sing to me. My last class of the day (7 year olds) brought me in the most beautiful box of handmade cards they had each made. Lots of love, thought and care.

I have decided that a new birthday tradition will be to start my birthday with God and my journal, reflecting on the gifts of the past year that I am grateful for. Today as I write, I am grateful for LIFE. Be blessed in yours. :)

Autumn's Story

2008-04-19T21:41:00.021+09:00

Okay ... this one is posted with all you Southern Hemisphere people in mind. My last blog was in tune with Spring, but in some parts of the world ... its Autumn! A little background for you. We had a stunning fall last year. The colours were fantastic and I went out shooting with my camera. I was pretty rapt with some of the results. About a week later, the temperature dropped and one night we had a big wind. In the morning when I woke up, most of the leaves were stripped from the tree and scattered as far as the eye could see. My eye was drawn to the bank outside my house. The sun was backlighting the leaves and it was magical. I dived inside for my camera and began to snap. I lay on the ground and snapped. I froze ... it had plummeted to -10C and my hands were so cold and frozen at the end of it all ... they were in pain warming up! However, these leaves caught me. What caught me was the unbelievable beauty in nature's discards. Something thrown away had beauty. I was caught up in the magic of it all and started to write. Today, I was able to pick up the story and complete it. I hope you are blessed. Why don't you grab a cuppa, sit down and let me tell you a story . . .

Autumn's Story

From her perch high up, Autumn peeked through the crowd. They were dressed in vibrant colours of the season – orange, gold, rust and red.

Autumn shivered as a cool breeze gently tickled her. She felt a little drab in her green coat. Sure, there were hints of beauty with the splashes of red, but she just did not glow like the others. Many people came by with cameras. Again and again lenses focused and shutters clicked. Those leaves front and centre, preened and glowed. They swayed in the breeze and basked in the reflected admiration of the viewers.

Oh how Autumn wished for just one moment in the spotlight. People loved the beautiful … admired their dress and their ability to glow. Never did Autumn feel so alone, unnoticed and worthless.

One morning Autumn awoke to the gentle caress of dawn. She gazed down at herself in wonder. Her coat of green was transformed into glowing red. But not like all the other reds. Autumn was special. Her coat was two-toned. Not only did she have a great new coat, but the crowd had thinned out. She was centre stage. She was somebody! Autumn smiled. She shone. She swayed to the beat of the breeze. And when the crowds came, they saw her. Paparazzi moments … lenses focused, shutters clicked … people exclaimed in wonder. Autumn had arrived. This was it. This was the moment she was born for. No longer hidden from view, looking on with the green of envy. She was born to shine!

Crisp sunny days came and went – each day drawing more and more people with cameras. Autumn shone and at night, she smiled to herself as she drifted off to sleep.

One night, Autumn awoke to a flash of searing pain. Icy fingers were tearing at her. Ripping, tugging and twisting …they teased and tore until poor Autumn went tumbling and rolling to the earth below.

When the first light of morning peeped over the hill, Autumn found that she was just one of many discarded leaves – all of whom had been beautiful once upon a time. These leaves had coats that were tatty and worn. Their colours were faded mementoes of glory days gone by. She heard a faint rustling noise and as she glanced around, Autumn realised, to her horror, that she had fallen into a leaf graveyard. The faint rustling she could hear, was the dying murmour of leaves breathing their last. Autumn was stunned. Was this her destiny? To die discarded and unnoticed? Surely somebody cared. Surely somebody would notice her and lift her from where she had fallen. She did not belong here. She was alive. She was vibrant … She was Autumn! People loved her. They took photos. Her coat was unique. Somebody would remember.

As the morning wore on, a new sound reached Autumn’s ears. There was a crackle and then a very ominous crunch. This was repeated in sinister rhythm, growing louder and louder. To Autumn’s horror, a huge pair of feet came crunching across the piles of discarded leaves. In their wake, dismembered, shattered bodies were tossed carelessly to the winds. The trail of carnage stopped next to Autumn. As she looked up, a sense of hope stirred within her. The owner of the feet unzipped a large blue bag and drew out a camera. “Finally,” Autumn thought. “I am found. I am remembered. I will be rescued.” She did her best to perk up … to be noticed … to be worthy.

The feet moved. The camera pointed … up … away from Autumn.
“Hey!” cried Autumn. “Here I am! Down here.”

A voice above muttered, “wrong angle … if I can just …”

CRUNCH!

“Ow,” cried poor Autumn. “It hurts. You are hurting me. I can’t breathe. You are killing me.”

The pressure eased off, and poor wounded Autumn could only lie whimpering in pain, as the camera was put away and the feet moved off into the distance, taking her hope and dreams with them.

Many days went by, and Autumn now lay numb, broken and in despair. Her beautiful coat was tattered and spotted. The colour had faded to a nondescript brown. Autumn was dying. She was alone. Discarded. Forgotten.

As she lay still … waiting for her life to end, a faint gleam caught her eye. Autumn gazed around, and as she did, a sense of wonder stole over her. The sun was sliding up over the hill. And as it slid higher, an incredible thing was happening on the bank. Discarded leaves, broken leaves, leaves that were dead and dying, started to glow.

Autumn’s eyes widened, as sun’s long golden fingers gently caressed fragile, broken leaves. And everywhere they stroked, life appeared. Beauty emerged. Hope bloomed. Things forgotten, things discarded, were renewed with a loving touch.

Autumn hardly dared breathe. Was it possible that light might find her? She looked down at herself and a small dark voice whispered into her ear. “You are not beautiful Autumn. Your coat is dull. You are dying. You are forgotten. You are one of many. There is no hope for you.” Autumn wept.

A gentle voice spoke into her darkness and she felt the warmth of light creep across her broken body.
“Hello Autumn.”

“Who are you?”

“I am the sun. I am light. I am life. I am.”

“You know my name?”

“Yes, Autumn. I know your name. I know you. When you were on the tree, I knew you. When you fell, I knew you. As you have lain here dying and thinking you were forgotten, I have known you. I knew where you were and I have watched you. You are beautiful Autumn.”

Autumn looked down at her tattered, faded coat and turned her head away in shame.

“Please do not look at me. I am not beautiful. I am ugly. I am unworthy of your light.”

“Autumn. I created you. You are beautiful. As I am, you are. Your beauty does not come from your outward appearance. It comes from me. I am in you. Let me shine my light on you and through you.”

Autumn looked down, and as she stared at herself, she felt a golden warmth start to radiate through her body. As she watched in amazement, she was transformed. Her old tattered coat, took on a new beauty. Light started to emanate. Once again she was glowing.

“How can this be?” marvelled Autumn.

“In order to see my light, you needed to die, Autumn. There is depth to your colour now. The beauty that we see is because you are reflected in my light. This is true beauty.

Autumn smiled to herself. “What a wondrous thing it is to be loved. I thought I was loved on the tree. I felt worthy. But the people I thought loved me, discarded me. They did not know me. They did not care for me – just my coat. They trampled on me when I was broken. They tossed me aside for prettier coats. Sun, I have learnt what it is to be loved. I am somebody, because you touched me. When I was broken, and dying, you shone on me. I live, because you love.”

Sun just smiled.
“I love, that you live.”

Come Away With Me ...

2008-04-10T13:34:00.024+09:00

I love Spring in Korea. It explodes onto the trees and bushes. Literally! On Saturday morning, the cherry tree outside my window had one spray of blossom open. By Sunday night, the entire tree was in full glorious bloom and by another week, it will be another memory for the year.

The two views above are the views from my classroom window looking back over the school. There are 5 weeks between the two pictures. The snowy winter picture was taken last month (March) and the picture below was taken on Monday (April). Seasons in Korea change like the flick of a switch. These pictures say a lot to me because they illustrate one of the threads that God has been speaking to me about.

Approximately 4 weeks ago I was leaning on the playground tunnel tubes watching the children play, while on duty. (I was also having a "tired" day and the tubes were propping me up!) There was still a winter chill but there was a decidedly Spring vibe in the air. As I looked around, I could see no sign of Spring. Everything was brown and barren. There were no buds on the trees. There was no green anywhere. A cold wind was blowing and I was rugged up in my winter coat, scarf and gloves. I had a definate sense of God speaking to my spirit and saying, "Winter is over. Spring has come." My mind went to Joel 2:21 - 24
"Be not afraid, be glad and rejoice. Surely the Lord has done great things. Be not afraid for the open fields are becoming green. The trees are bearing their fruit. The fig tree and vine yield their riches. Be glad and rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers - both autumn and spring rains as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain, the vats will overflow with new wine and oil."

Some of you (myself included) have been through a long dry season. It's seemed barren. You have wondered "how long"? Perhaps you have gifts that God has placed within you that are not being used. Perhaps you have dreams that are unfulfilled. Perhaps you have wondered if God has forgotten you! It may even seem that you are like Joseph - languishing in prison with dreams and hopes and gifts, and you see other people released while you are passed over, forgotten. What do you do? Well, to start with, here are a couple of things:

1. Know you are not forgotten.
Joseph told the cupbearer, "do not forget me" ... and he did. He was released and promptly forgot about Joseph. However God did not. Joseph was not forgotten even though an insiduous voice was probably whispering in his ear, "you are forgotten. No one knows you are here ... you are going to die down here Joseph ..." Joseph was NOT forgotten. God knew exactly WHERE he was and WHO he was. He was being prepared. Joseph had an appointed time and an appointed destiny! YOU are not forgotten. God knows YOUR name. He knows exactly where you are. He knows your appointed time and your appointed destiny. It was written in his book, before one of your days came to be (Ps 139). You are fearfully and wonderfully made, on purpose, for a purpose.

2. Sing!
Isaiah 54 says, "Sing o barren woman, you who never bore a child. Burst into song and shout for joy you who never were in labour; because more are the children of the desolate woman, than her who has a husband." God often works in paradoxes. What does this verse speak of? Fruitfulness. If you are barren, SING! Worship! You WILL be fruitful.

3. Be present.
Another verse running through my mind while in Cambodia was, "Be here. The King is wild for you." Let me put that another way.
Be Here.
Be HERE.
BE.
The KING is wild for you.
The king is WILD for you.
The king is wild for ...
YOU!

The word "wild" comes from the hebrew word "hwa". It means desire, covet, wait longingly, wish, sigh, want, be greedy for, crave, prefer. Do you have any idea of how much you are loved? God is not just, "oh, I really like her/him". He is absolutely madly, deeply, passionately and wildly in love with you. We need to learn the art of being present in our moment. Right here, right now. Not to be crass here, but imagine making love with your beloved. Part of the joy of it is being present in the moment. Imagine how betrayed you would feel, if you became aware that your beloved's thoughts, feelings and emotions were somewhere else completely and not present in the moment with you. This is where we are. Whatever the season. We are right here, right now. Be here. And be loved. I wrote a song a few weeks back - one of the lines is, "be present in this place, life is wonderful ..." It is. No matter the season. BE in it.

4. Come away ...
Huh? Weren't you just saying be present? Yup ... and now I am saying come away! Remember, God works in paradoxes! While in Cambodia, I kept humming the line from the Norah Jones song, "come away with me". I read this in Song of Songs 2:10-13
"my lover spoke and said to me, Arise my darling, my beautiful one and come with me. See the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come. The cooing of doves is heard in the land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." See! The King is WILD for you and he longs for you to come away with him.

This coming away time is preparation time. It's not dead time. It's pruning and refining time. Hosea 2:14 - 16
"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and will make the valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came out of Egypt."

So, in all of this this morning, what am I saying?
Whatever season you are in, have hope. Come away with Him. Be present in the moment ... and ... Sing baby, SING!

The Gift Of Thorns

2008-04-06T07:12:00.012+09:00

OW! Get it out! ... ow, ow OW! It hurts!

"My grace is enough; It's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness .."

"Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and BEGAN APPRECIATING THE GIFT (caps mine). It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness." (2 Cor 12:7 - The Message)

I am sure you have felt the cruel stab of a thorn and cried out with pain. Paul wrestled with his thorn, and as he wrestled, he pleaded with God to take it out.

I find myself thinking of Jacob and his wrestling experience (Gen 32:22-29). He wanted to be blessed and he wrestled all night, saying, "I will not let go until you bless me!" And then God (or the angel of God depending on how you read it) put his hip out of joint. Jacob limped for the rest of his life. He was a changed man. No longer did he strive, he knew God was his source and he leant on his staff and worshipped.

What have I learnt about wrestling and thorns? We don't like thorns. We don't like pain. We shy away from it and we plead with God to take it from us. We struggle, we wrestle, we fight. People, our thorns are GIFTS. Yes, you heard me right. They are gifts. They teach us that we need God. They reveal that we are crippled. They remind us that our strength is not enough. Ps 20:7 says, "some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we will trust in the name of the Lord our God." The word trust (as in trust in God) comes from a hebrew word that is also translated as "remember". The word is "zakar" and it means, "call to mind". Basically the message is clear. Our thorns are gifts because they help us bring to mind who we should be leaning on. They help us bring to mind that we are not all powerful, strong and in control.

Jacob also learnt humility. After his wrestling, he went on to meet his brother. The meeting had the potential to be rather explosive. After all, Jacob had ripped his brother off big time. Yet we see Jacob meeting his brother in an attitude of humility and submissiveness.

My friend Frances used to raise and show pet lambs. One year, she had a lamb called Thunder. He was hilarious. Frances would pick him up in her arms and he would kick and bleat and struggle and then she would flip him over on his back. Suddenly he would just go limp - aaaahhh. Totally relaxed and chilled he would lie still, gazing adoringly up into her eyes.

My tumor, anaemia, meds and exhaustion bring me to my knees. I am strong. I am a fighter and these things have taken the fight out of me. They have brought me to the end of myself. And here is where the gift begins. I don't have the energy to fight. It's time for me to lay back in the arms of the one who loves me and speaks my name. And not just my name in passing, but my name - filled with meaning. Filled with love. Filled with all of who I am and ever will be. My name. Me. It's like the "being" idea. All of me, wrapped up in that one word, spoken from his lips. My job is to submit, to lay like Thunder the lamb, still in His arms, and be loved.

Isaiah 40:31 says, "but they who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint." Lets break down a few key words here:

Wait - "Qavah" - to look for, lie in wait for, linger for, look eagerly for.

Renew - "Chalaph" - pass through, change, sprout again

Mount Up - "alah" - ascend, go up, meet, visit, spring up, grow, shoot forth

As we lie in his arms, we will be renewed, we will change and new life will spring forth. As Paul says, we need to learn to appreciate the gift of thorns. We end, and He begins.

One final thought, Psalm 103 says, "you crown me love and compassion". It is so true. But think about this, what crown did Jesus wear? If he wore a crown of thorns, surely we can accept the ONE that we are honored with?

I Would Walk 500 Miles ... And I Would Walk 500 More ...

2008-03-31T18:17:00.006+09:00

You all know it I am sure ... so put the CD player on in your head and sing along ...

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would 500 more
Just to be the man
Who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door ...

Yes ... it' s that really catchy song by the Proclaimers. Steven Curtis Chapman did a fabulous remake of it a few years ago and changed some of the lyrics as he was writing an album about love. Check out his lyrics here. There is something so infectious about this song. You want to walk ... and you want to sing. Lets just focus on the walking for a bit. But as you read ... you just might want to keep humming ;)

In Genesis 3, we see that in the garden of Eden, God used to walk in the cool of the evening. As I read this chapter, I take from it the implication that God would walk and have fellowship with Adam and Eve. How do I get this out of that chapter? Well, when things went wrong, they hid and God called for them. Something was abnormal, something was wrong. And the thing that was different? They were hiding. So imagine, God walking and talking ... just loving to connect with his creation. And now ... his creation is hiding ... no longer walking, talking and connecting. Something is broken. Something is wrong.

Further on in Genesis 5, this idea of walking with God comes up again. Surprisingly, it is one of those areas we just love to skip over in the bible ... one of those long geneology lists we use to assist us in sleeping! However, don't miss this one. It's radical! In the midst of it (vs 21 - 24) we meet Enoch. Now Enoch stands out in this lineage because all his predecessors are said to have lived, whereas Enoch is said to have walked with God. Did you notice that?! Enoch didn't just live ... he was different. He walked with God. WOW. This is so important, that in the 4 verses that talk about Enoch, it mentions TWICE that he walked with God - just in case we missed it the first time.

We meet Enoch in just one other place. He is listed in the Hebrews Hall of Fame. The Heroes of Faith Chapter - Hebrews Chapter 11. In vs 5, it tells us that before Enoch was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. Wow! This is even cooler ... I not only want to walk with God - I want to be commended as one who pleases him. Don't you?! It gets even better yet! In the very context of discussing Enoch, the writer reminds us that God rewards those who earnestly seek him. Jeremiah 29:11-13 springs to mind here: "You will find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord." People, God is not playing Hide and Seek with us. He wants to be found, he wants to walk and talk with us - with YOU - with me! He created us and the plan was walk and talk and connect, right from the beginning. What do we learn from Enoch's life? There is a difference between living and WALKING. How much do we just live - caught up in the momentum of our days, as opposed to walking with God?

I was contemplating all this the other night and then decided I needed to play 500 miles (the SCC version - stop and click the link above if you have not read it already!). I ended up having the best worship time to this ... walking up and down in my room. It puts the biggest smile on my face when I listen to it. SCC rewrote it for his wife, but let's look at some of the lyrics in the context of walking with God. Hum along ... and come along ... let's WALK!

When I wake up, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl (okay ... I am one - so I changed it!) who wakes up next to you.
And when I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl who goes along with you.

Does this sound familiar? Psalm 139:2-3
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down.
You are familiar with all my ways."

What about, "you hem me in, behind and before. You have laid your hand on me ..."

Yes ... God is really mindful of walking with us ... are we mindful of walking with him? This song flips it ... so we live with the awareness of walking with him.

In verse two, the song continues ...
When I'm lonely, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the girl who's lonely without you.

This is so bang on! Without walking with God we are lonely. The thing is, in this crazy world we live in, we try to stuff that loneliness void with as much as possible - be it tv, computer games, work. Pretty much anything that will distract us from the void. How many of us are just comfortable to "be" without any extras?

Pick up the beat and sing on ...
When I'm dreaming, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you ...

This reference to dreaming reminds me of several things. Primarily, it reminds me of David's heart in Ps 27. His "one thing". The one thing he could have if granted just one wish. What would you dream? David's dream, his one thing, is to dwell in God's house, gazing upon his beauty and seeking him (Ps 27:4). Secondly, it is a reminder to keep God at the centre of our dreams. This brings to mind a couple of scriptures:
"Seek first HIS kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." (Mtt 6:33)

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." (Mtt 7:7) Jesus goes on to remind us that our heavenly father knows how to give good gifts to those who ask him. What dreams are you nursing, scared to trust God for? God knows our dreams, we can trust him with them because he loves us. He will not give us a stone when we ask for bread.

I just want to close this post with a reminder to you. God loves you. Get it?!
GOD loves you.
God LOVES you.
God loves ... YOU.

His desire is to walk with you. Walk with him ... talk with him. And as you do ... sing with me ...

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the girl
Who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door ...

Home

2008-03-31T06:49:00.003+09:00

Hi All

I am back home ... got home yesterday morning. Sat down this morning to write a blog (and not the post I have been mulling over) and a friend called, so now it will have to wait! Watch this space!

Anyway, thank-you for your prayers and thoughts shared while I was in Cambodia. I can tell you that it was fruitful time for me spiritually. I heard from God ... I am still hearing and praying and processing.

For those of you that have not been there, Cambodia is a beautiful country that has suffered much in very recent history. The atrocities of the Khmer Rouge defy description and it is one of the worst genocides in history - not one family was left untouched. What is amazing to me is that noone has really been brought to justice, although they are just about to start a war crimes commission. What this means is that back in the villages, people live side by side with those who killed, informed and committed attrocities. Wrongs have not been addressed, people have compartmentalized and moved on.

The Cambodian people are lovely ... very warm and friendly - but very poor. My friends took me out into one of the rural villages to meet some of the people they work with and I was privileged to sit with them and talk about God. They love to hear stories and I love to tell them... so it was a match made in heaven!

It was a great trip ... refreshing, interesting and one of the best times spiritually I have had with God for a long time. I am excited to walk with him and challenged. More about that later ...

Love Sarah

PS ... I did some great shopping and am very excited blog buddies because ... I shopped for you! There is a blog giveaway ... COMING!

Out of Reach - but Reaching Out!

2008-03-19T22:13:00.003+09:00

Hi All

Sorry I have not posted much lately ... been busy and very tired ... but my brain and my spirit are active! I am thinking ... and I have a post percolating. I am off to Cambodia for 10 days tomorrow ... will be leaving straight after school. I am visiting my friends Shane and Gaylene and their family who are missionaries there and then I will be heading up to Siem Reap for a few days on Wednesday. I am travelling by myself after I leave Shane and Gaylene and I have a two fold purpose in that. Please pray for the following things:

1. That I bring encouragement and refreshing to Shane and Gaylene - its been a LONG time since we have seen each other. They serve faithfully and it is hard at times to be out on the field pouring out without all the normal input one gets at home. I want to bring something from God for them.

2. My time in Siem Reap has several purposes. One is to rest. For me this means playing with my camera so I will be taking lots of pictures and wandering, and then sleeping! But something that is really strong in my spirit is that I want to hear from God. I will be away, by myself and I want and need to hear from him. Please pray he speaks to me. I am not even sure what it is I am needing to hear ... but i have a strong urge in my heart to put aside time to think, pray and listen to what he wants to tell me. (Claire ... I will be meditating on some things you wrote as well).

I have written to some close friends and asked them to pray for me over the next 10 days. I have also asked them if they would take time to listen to God for me too. I do not normally do that as i believe we should walk our own walks and hear our own words from God ... BUT I also believe in confirmation and so if you remember me, please pray.

Will be posting when I get back ...

Blessings to you all

Sarah

Hope ... (Claire's Story)

2008-03-18T17:52:00.004+09:00

I want to introduce you to my friend Claire. This is her with her husband Richard and their 3 boys. I wrote about Claire in Lessons From The Dead and The Dying 1 and Lessons From The Dead and the Dying 2 back in February last year. At that time she had received a very negative medical report with not alot of hope.

I am so thrilled to be able to share her story with you because it is a story of hope and encouragement. It is a testimony of God's amazing grace and healing power ... Here, in her own words, is Claire's story so pour yourself a cuppa and READ ON!

Claire’s story

June 19th 2006 will be a day etched in my memory forever. I had been having back pain for a month or so and put it down to carrying my six month old baby Sam around and leaning over to bath him. The pain killers got increasingly stronger until I had to take them to be able to sleep. I finally decided to see my doctor who recognized my liver was enlarged and blood test results showed abnormal liver function. I was sent to have an ultrasound scan and later that day a CT scan. It was confirmed that I had bowel cancer that had spread throughout all sections of the liver. Later that week I also had a colonoscopy to determine the extent of the bowel cancer. I was told by the specialist that the cancer was terminal with no possible cure. Less than 2% of people survive secondary liver cancer. It’s possible to remove up to 75% of the liver and it will regenerate, but because my tumors were so extensive in number and size (up to 5 cm in diameter), it was all too late. I was basically told I was going to die. I told the specialist that my God was bigger than cancer and I believed He was going to heal me.

I had to stop breast feeding Sam due to the huge amount of drugs I was prescribed. Sam refused to take a bottle for nearly two days. We proceeded to tell everyone the news and people began to pray. In the midst of this turmoil and despair, we had amazing peace. God was watching over us and we sensed His presence. It says in the bible that He is near to the brokenhearted, and we found this to be so true.

As time progressed I continued to get worse. Eventually I was taking 120mg of morphine a day, plus other medication for the pain, steroids and a variety of other tablets .Most of the day I just lay in bed or on the couch .I could only sit for a short period of time. Due to the size of the liver I was unable to lie on my side or use a pillow, so was literally flat on my back. The liver grew to the point where I looked about 6 months pregnant and it had extended down nearly 15 cm into the abdominal cavity. I would sweat profusely and during the night would have to change my bedclothes sometimes two or three times. I would lift my arm and it would be literally dripping with sweat. I later discovered this is an indication of liver dysfunction. There was a lot of pain in my abdomen and I was nauseous a lot of the time.

I was given no hope medically, so God was my only hope. I cried out to Him and was desperate for Him to do something. As I lay in bed I would physically reach out to God and He would hold my hand. I felt His love being poured out. It was like our family were being held in the palm of His hand and He was comforting us. He spoke to me, especially at night time. I would have conversations with Him and sometimes specific scriptures would pop into my mind. One night when I was asking God what this sickness was all about, He said that even though I would go through the fire I would not be burned and I would go through the waters but would not drown, and to have no fear because He would be there with me every step of the journey.
Later on when I started to get better I would wake in the middle of the night with the most unexplainable joy and excitement that I knew were from God. I had an expectation that He was going to do something great.

People were wonderful to us. We were given meals each night for months, from our church, school and preschool families. People would turn up with baking, flowers and gifts or just pop in to visit. Some even came to help with the kids or clean the house. We had cards all over the house. I can’t explain how loved and cared for we felt. We had a great support network of friends, mainly through our church, Palmerston North New Life Church. Our homegroup held prayer meetings for me, and a friend from school started a weekly get together of mums to pray. During these times God’s presence was so evident, people had visions, prophecies and words of encouragement. I greatly valued the prayer support and knew God was sustaining me and restoring life and health to my body. I had prayer cloths sent from Africa, Jersey and a church in Auckland. These are cloths that people have prayed over and are placed on the sick people to make them well, as is mentioned in the bible.

My husband Richard was a great support and remained a real strength throughout my illness. He would pray for me when I was in pain and the pain would disappear or ease off. He was given as long off work as he needed, remaining on full wages. What a blessing that was not to have financial concerns on top of everything else.

My sister Janine shortened a trip to Africa to come and live with us. I remember her stating that she would stand with me believing for a miracle, until God healed me. She helped nurse me, look after the three boys and run the home. We were so thankful for her. She’s a nurse and great with children so was a wonderful help.

My parents in Taranaki were also a huge support, regularly coming down and helping out where necessary. We went for a trip up to there during the school holidays. The drive in the car was excruciating. I had to lie down across the back seat and every bump jarred my body. I have never felt so sick and fatigued in all my life. The time up there was great though, with my brother and a friend from Auckland coming down to see me, and the local church there praying for me.

The local hospice got involved and were so helpful sorting practical needs. A nurse would visit me at home, sort medication and monitor my progress. I was reluctant to have chemotherapy, but eventually after the charge nurse of oncology came to our home and talked about, it I agreed. I wasn’t afraid of having chemotherapy, but simply believed that God was going to heal me without medical intervention. I was told very clearly that the chemotherapy would never be a cure, but there was a 40% chance it would work to buy some time and relieve some symptoms. I went through 5 _ months of intensive treatment. I didn’t enjoy sitting there having treatment, surrounded by people much older than myself, many who looked fearful and overwhelmed by their predicament.

Remarkably, I had virtually no side effects from the chemo. I believe this was due to Gods protection and all the people praying for me. God was at work and we saw miracles happening. As treatments progressed the needle became difficult to get in, my veins collapsed, and the chemical leaked into the surrounding tissue. After people prayed, the needle went straight in each time and we were surprisingly able to use the same vein again and again without any problems. There were no further problems with the veins and I didn’t end up needing a portacath or line for the drugs to go directly into.
I had some inflammation, pain and peeling on the soles of my feet after a few months. I was told this would only get worse. A number of people prayed one night and the next morning I awoke to perfectly healed feet, with this problem never occurring again. If God could do these little miracles He could also do the big one.

After 6 rounds of treatment I was offered a further 2 rounds, because the tumors had responded so well. Despite being told that usually there is no further improvement after 6 rounds, the tumors reduced a further 30% in size and the liver tumor markers continued to come down. (My understanding is that tumor markers are a measure of the fast dividing cells in the bloodstream. In a normal healthy person the measure is between 0-10.) My liver tumor markers were 11,500 when I was first diagnosed. We saw the number come down dramatically after each round of chemotherapy, and by December they were down to 6. It was made quite clear from the beginning that once the chemotherapy stopped the tumors would begin to grow again and this measure would go up. At this point I was told they would give me a break from chemo and continue with another type when they began to go up again. I have had 3 monthly blood tests since and the tumor markers have continued to progressively improve to where they remain normal. The liver function has also continued to improve to where all liver blood tests are within normal limits. This defies medical explanation.

I’ve also had CT scans along the way, and the tumors have reduced in size. A scan in October shows that there are still small tumors throughout my liver, and the oncologist thinks they are dormant. I have peace about this and believe they are dead. God has overcome my enemy! I hope in time that the tumors will go completely. I hold onto the scripture Philipians 1:6 “He who began a good work in you will bring it on to completion”.

Thoughts from my journey with cancer:

# Each day I needed to seek God to discover afresh where He was leading me and what he was saying. I needed a new word from Him to get through each day. It was important for me to speak Gods word over my life. I would claim bible scriptures on healing such as Psalm 118:17 that says “I will not die, but I will live and declare the works of the Lord”. I especially love the psalms and could identify with a lot of the emotions that David experienced when he was being pursued by his enemies. Reading Gods word was like taking medicine, and it even says in the bible that the word is health to all my flesh- prov 4:22. I couldn’t wait to open my bible each day, as it was alive and I was having amazing revelations. As I did this my faith grew. Faith is believing what God says and not focusing on what we see through human eyes. I didn’t place too much focus on what I was told medically, as it was always negative and faith destroying. The doctors and nurses I dealt with at the hospital were fantastic, but most didn’t have faith and failed to recognize that God was at work in my life. Doctors only know a small fraction of how our bodies work. I figure that He who created me is the best one to fix me, and restore my health, and the medical help I received was just a part of God’s plan. Eph 3:20 says that God is able to do exceedingly greater than we could ever hope for or imagine.

When I looked at the situation through human eyes it was overwhelming and terrifying, but when I looked up and chose to focus on the Lord and trust in Him and believe His promises it was okay. 2 Cor 4:8 & 17 says we don’t fix our eyes on what is seen, but what is unseen. What is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. We look at victory. I remember at times being in pain or suffering in some way or coming home from a hospital visit after being reminded again that I would die. My sister and I would cry together at how awful the situation was, and then we would stop and remember that God was in control. We’d pray and be filled with peace and the hope that He was going to do this miracle.

# Many well known people prayed for me when I was sick, but I know it wasn’t because of any particular person that I was healed. As I lay sick in my bed for months I simply reached out to God himself and He touched me. I sought the healer rather than the healing. I learnt to live in His presence and He comforted me. I knew joy in the midst of turmoil, peace that passes understanding and His love being poured out over my life. Physically my body was a mess, but spiritually I was alive and well and growing in the Lord. I felt closer to God lying there, than I did at a big healing meeting. God walked with me hand in hand. I communed with Him and entered into the ‘holy of holies’. When God walks with you, you have no fear. Even though I looked death in the face it had no sting, as the bible says. I had no fear of dying because I knew where I was going and who I was going to be with, if I was to die. Whether God healed me or not I would win. Saying this to people though I always added that I strongly believed I was going to be healed. Early on Richard and I discussed what would happen if I died, regarding his work, the boys and even him remarrying, then we put that aside and focused on my health being restored.

# I was never angry at God. I would tell Him I didn’t understand and ask why, but trust Him anyway. I got angry with the enemy because Gods word says that Satan came to kill steal and destroy, but God came to give us life in abundance. If God bought sickness on me how could I ask Him to heal me? What Satan meant to harm me, God meant for good. Great things have come out of this time, with many peoples lives being impacted for good.

Psalm 139 says God had all my days planned out before even one of them came to be, so He knew I was going to get sick. In Jeremiah it says that His plans for us are good, to give us a future. I didn’t believe it was His perfect will for me to die at this time and leave a husband and three little boys behind.

# Every day is a gift from God. I love being a mum and value caring for my family and doing common everyday things. I want to make every day count and to use my time wisely, to store my treasures up in heaven rather than on earth. My priorities have changed, in fact my whole life has changed and I’ll never be the same again. I think I could live anywhere and do anything so long as God remained close to me.

My challenge now is to not let busyness crowd out my time with God. Looking after 3 boys and running a home has many demands, and I want to put God first in my life, to make time to spend with Him. I find this really hard at times when there are so many things on and I do get tired.

# A number of people suggested alternative treatments, diets, positive thinking etc. There’s some really weird and wonderful ideas on healing out there. However, no amount of these things would have worked for me as my cancer was too far gone. I discovered the link between nutrition and health and believe diet is important. I needed an extraordinary miracle and God alone was the power of my healing. As Christians the spirit of God resides within us and according to Romans 8:11 the power that raised Jesus from the dead gives life (and health) to our bodies.

# God is sovereign and there’s nothing we can do to earn healing. There’s no set formula on what you have to do, because that would take the focus off God and place it on ourselves. He heals us simply because He loves us.

# There’s always someone worse off than you. Focus on the positive and find things to be grateful for no matter how grim the situation. Seeds of discouragement can never take root in a heart of thankfulness.

# People need to know that cancer is not a death sentence. There is always hope, and nothing is impossible for God. No matter how bad the situation, God can overcome as He has for me. There can be victory if we choose to look to him.

# All the glory must go to my Lord Jesus Christ. Without Him I wouldn’t be here today. He alone is worthy of praise and has certainly proven himself true to His word. He is my strength and sustains me each day. I take delight in the fact that all the days of my life were written in his book before time began and I will not leave this life until God’s appointed time.

# There are so many family and friends that I would love to mention, who have been a part of my journey. I want to thank those who have supported, prayed for and blessed us in many different ways.

Window Gazing

2008-02-24T16:11:00.010+09:00

As many of you know I live in South Korea. I have lived here for 7 years now. When travelling in various countries, people often ask me, "where are you from?" I love to mess with their heads and say, "South Korea." I know they really mean where is my accent from ... but still the reactions are fun.

Perhaps the funniest time this happened was a year ago golfing with a friend in Keri Keri (the North of New Zealand). She is my neighbour here in Korea and is from the USA. I was playing tour guide and she wanted to golf so one glorious morning, her, I and another friend were trucking our way along a golf course. We noticed an Asian couple trotting along behind us and I got the giggles because living in an Asian country, I have learnt several things. Land is scarce so golfing is very expensive. If you play golf, you don't hack around a golf course like we were doing. It's SERIOUS and you need "THE GEAR"! I have also learnt that Korea has a love affair with Burberry (that is the beige and black plaid and is a major designer label to boot). So ... as we trotted along, I was keeping a surreptitious eye on our fellow golfers. I noticed they were decked out in Burberry golf gear. They were very serious about their golf form and must have been wincing in pain at my hacking of golf balls. I am such a bad golfer that part way down one of the fairways, I noticed a golf ball. I looked around and saw noone, so figured it was lost. I picked it up and went to stroll on, but a very irate man came through the trees ... needless to say he was not impressed with me at all! Anyway ... I was being a bit naughty and making fun of my fellow golfers. Particularly when they pushed a button on their golf bag cart and it drove itself up the hill!

Part way through the game, I shot a ball into the water (of course, this was part of my clever plan ... I was AIMING for the water people!) I was trying to get the ball out with the cumbersome device left by the golf club (which consisted of a heavy metal pole with a chicken wire basket one end). It was too heavy and kept falling in and stirring up the mud. I had just decided to leave it, when who should appear behind me? Ms Burberry herself! And I was a tad ashamed when she graciously offered me her ball retriever. It was a bit of a clever, high tech gadget- you pushed a button and the handle shot out and extended in three snaps. Another button push and the actual ball retriever part folded out too (I might be making that bit up but hey ... its for the art of story!). This gadget was fabulous. Unfortunately my arms were about 3 feet too short so we called it quits. I smiled at her and asked her where she was from (I was thinking Hong Kong or Taiwan). She smiled and said, "Auckland." She asked me where I was from and I smiled and said, "Korea!". The irony of it struck me and I started laughing and said, "well really I am from New Zealand but I live in Korea. She said, "Well really I am from Hong Kong but I live here now." Don't judge on appearences people!

Anyway ... back to the main direction I was heading. When people hear I have lived here for 7 years, the next comment invariably is, "7 years?! Wow, you must really love it there." And the thing is, I don't love it here. Given the choice of sunny, clean New Zealand with great beaches ... a population density of 14 people per square kilometre (or 74 if you live in Auckland) or smoggy, polluted, crowded Seoul where there are 9000 people per square kilometer and an insane pace of life, there is no comparison. However, God has me here and I can honestly say that I do love my life and I believe life is what you make of it whereever you are.

So today, I thought I would give you a little glimpse through the window of the world I live in. Late this morning (Sunday) I headed out on my scooter for a haircut. A scooter is the ideal vehicle in Seoul because you can go around the bumper to bumper stationary traffic and park anywhere you like (including the pavement). In addition, if you drive like a local, that also means you get to run red lights at minor intersections! After my haircut I went to get a Coldstone Creamery icecream and sat in the window with a Phillip Yancy book eating, reading and watching the world go by. It was a positively balmy day today. Beautiful sunny skies and about -2 degrees Celcius (thats really really chilly for those of you who think in Farenheit). However, it was nice in comparison to the weeks of -14C with wind chill weather we have been having.

As I looked at the window, I saw a sight that is not unusual. It was a graduation day for a university and a bunch of old ladies (adjumonies) were squatting on the pavement (they can do this for hours) selling flowers. They had obviously been to the flower market and then prepped the flowers on the street as all the trimmings were there for bouquets. You often see them selling off stands or squatting selling nuts, seeds, vegetables or fruit. One of these old ladies caught my eye and I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. It was freezing outside, and she had probably been there for hours. I would think she was in her late 60s or early 70s and she was lovely. No one was stopping to buy her flowers (people already had flowers so I am guessing they got them further up the road) but she sat with patience, grace and dignity, smiling and nodding at people. She so moved me, that I stopped and bought some of her flowers.

As I looked at her, I felt a glimpse of how much God must love her and the Korean people. They have been through so much hardship. Korea was devastated in the Korean war - I have talked with old returning ANZAC soldiers and they tell me their stories of what Seoul and Korea were like when they left. Basically a huge pile of rubble - flattened and devasted. Now, Seoul is a bustling modern city with high rises and neon everywhere. It has a booming economy. Beneath the glitz though there is a sadness. Korea is a divided nation. Instead of one Korea, it is two. And the gulf between the Koreas is huge. The tragedy of the two Koreas are that families are forever separated. Parents from children, sibling from sibling, relatives forever split. The generation of older people are dying and many will die having never been reunited with their loved ones. Imagine if in one day, a minefield and fence got strung up across your country separating your family ... if all communication was cut off. For Koreans, who cherish and love family, who pay respects to their ancestors and honor each other, this is an unimaginable grief that must tear their hearts in two.

The younger generations face a different challenge. One of the things that is entrenched in the culture I see around me is a must to be the best and have the best. Materialism is everywhere. People must wear the right labels and go to the right schools and universities. it is not enough to try your hardest. You must strive to be the best and if you are not the best, there is a sense of shame and failure. I have thought about this and discussed a theory with Korean friends for several years. Part of why I think this has taken off is because of the recent history of Korea. I think after the war, so many had nothing. They fought to make a life for themselves and provide for their families. Children grew up poor but were educated because their parents sacrificed to make this happen. These parents determined that their children would not grow up without as they did, so they worked hard to educate their children and give them the best they could. This perpetuated until now, we have a generation of children who have grown up with nothing in their lives except studying hard to get into the best universities to have the best. Add having the best things into this and the current generation of teens is very materialistic - money and status counts and little else. What a tragedy. Yet are we any different in the west? We just put a different spin on it.

Pray for Korea ... its a country where God has really moved, but that movement is starting to be replaced with apathy and indifference as life becomes comfortable and materialism takes hold.

A little window in my life ... what's the view like through your window?

Grace

2008-02-16T19:18:00.007+09:00

On my computer at work I have a sticky note. It has three simple words that are a powerful reminder to me … “grace under pressure”. It is a reminder to me that no matter how stressed I feel, I need to reflect Jesus to those I walk through life with. I try to model grace under pressure. I often fail abysmally but we (God and I) are working on it! The funny thing about grace is that most of us expect to receive it, but we are not always so good at extending it! It’s easy to extend grace when we are recipients of grace, but is that really grace? Do we extend grace when people are rude to us? Do we extend grace when we are taken for granted? Do we extend grace when someone cuts in line in front of us? Do we extend grace when our trust is broken and we feel betrayed?

The most commonly used word for grace is the greek word Charis. It is defined as good will, loving-kindness, favour, that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm and loveliness. Grace is often defined as undeserved favor. When did you last extend undeserved favor?

I have been mulling over grace the last week or so. Today I thought I would go back and see what sorts of things the Bible has to say about it. We often think that grace is a New Testament concept. Grace is liberally sprinkled throughout both Old and New Testaments. I particularly enjoyed reading in The Message. Have a look at some of the scriptures below …

Proverbs 15:26
“God can't stand evil scheming, but he puts words of grace and beauty on display.”

Isaiah 30:19
“Oh yes, people of Zion, citizens of Jerusalem, your time of tears is over. Cry for help and you'll find it's grace and more grace. The moment he hears, he'll answer.”

Jer 31:2-3
“This is the way God put it: "They found grace out in the desert, these people who survived the killing. Israel, out looking for a place to rest, met God out looking for them!" God told them, "I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!” I love that scripture! Have you ever felt like you are dying? Ever felt like you are in the desert? You will survive the killing and you will find grace in the desert!

In Matthew 6:6, Jesus encourages us to get away to a quiet secluded place with the Father. The Message puts this beautifully: "Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace."

A favourite scripture of mine in the Message is Matthew 11:28-30. Again it is Jesus speaking and he says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

I love that … “learn the unforced rhythms of grace.” As a musician I know that you get into a zone with rhythm … you find the groove and then just sit in it. Imagine if we lived like that with grace. Just sat in the groove of grace! Not a forced thing that we try to model as good Christians, but something that just bubbles up from within us and oozes out to the world outside. Wow! It would be life changing.

Paul and the apostles had a great understanding of grace. It flows throughout the New Testament (there are 156 examples in the KJV alone). Many books start and end with it. The apostles had a keen sense of what they had been saved from and so they lived their lives in the shadow of grace. Romans 12:3 gives us an insight into their thinking: “I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.” There it is people, undeserved favour that has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with him.

At the moment I am really struggling with some health issues. Last year I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumour (on my pituitary gland). Some of the residual effects of my tumour are that I am flat, exhausted, fuzzy thinking, and a bit of an emotional wreck. I find myself acting in ways that are not my normal self … withdrawing, being irritable … struggling to be even keeled and to physically make it through a day. I am not as efficient at work as I normally would be. Last night I expressed some of these struggles to a friend and said that I don’t feel like a very nice person or someone fun to be around at the moment. This morning, as I was reading scriptures on grace, I read 2 Cor 12:9. Paul was grappling with his own issues and sharing about his struggles. While wrestling with God over this, God told him the following: “My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.” Paul goes on to say, “Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.”

This really spoke to me and encouraged me. My friend asked me how do I get through this when I am looking at a minimum of 5 years treatment (hoping things go well). My answer was, “one day at a time.” And that one day, needs to be living under his smile and walking in his grace. When I am pleasant and performing well at work … I am no more deserving of his grace than when I am the person I don’t like to be! That’s the beauty of grace. It’s undeserved favor and nothing I do merits it. Breenan Manning says, “God’s love is based on nothing and the fact that it is based on nothing makes us secure.” Jimmy Abegg (musician and artist) says, "we are ragamuffins, much loved by God in the midst of all our short comings and failures.” I am used to being strong. Maybe in this season, I need to allow myself to be carried by his grace. God will be more manifest in me. And that’s really our mission isn’t it – to know him and make him known.

My prayer for myself and those of you reading this today, comes from two scriptures:
Phil 4:23
“Receive and experience the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, deep, deep within yourselves.”

2 Cor 13:14
May the amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, and the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit, be with all of you.

Trust ...

2008-02-05T22:01:00.002+09:00

I have just read a great devo that Mel at Mel's world wrote on trust and living in the fog (God is in the Fog). I smiled to myself and then thought, "darn"! Yet another finger poke! This is a reoccurring theme in my life and once again, right now, I am really struggling with trust. A friend of mine told me the other night that I am being disobedient. I suppose I am ... my reply was that I am not being defiant in it, I am just struggling and I cannot see. And ... I don't want to hope or dream in this area because unmet dreams are painful.

Mel shared from Proverbs 3:5-6 and it made me want to share a wee story with you. This takes place back in 1997 when I was an intern working at my church. It is one of many lessons in trust ... seems to be my life lesson - I just go to harder levels each time! But thats how we learn to walk by faith people ... baby steps first!

On my ministry internship programme we were given support of $100 a week and I taught at my school on my Monday off, which earned me another $100. That year I was living very much by faith, and there were many many times God provided for me - in all sorts of amazing ways. One week, things were so tight financially, that the option was eat, or put petrol in the car. I needed to drive to work at the offices (a 30 minute drive) so, in my fabulously competent way of taking charge of my life (NOT!!) I thought, "oh well, I could really do with fasting this week any way ..." and that is what I did - fasted for the whole week. So picture me at the end of a week of fasting. I haven't really heard from God much but I fasted anyway. On the Tuesday (the last day of my week of fasting) I read Proverbs 3:5-6. The scripture reads, "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight. As I read it, I sensed God's leading to stop on those two verses. There are 5 challenges he highlighted to me, that I would like to share with you:
1. Trust in the Lord ...
Trust in WHO? (yes ... thats right, who or what, are YOU trusting in ...)

2. With all your heart ...
How much? ALL ...

3. And lean not on your own understanding ...
Hmmm ... I can't lean on mine? Could it be that God's ways and thoughts are not mine! Could it be that they are higher ... (Isaiah 55:8 would say, YES!)

4. In all your ways ...
All? ALL? At this point I got a little mad with God and said, "That's not fair! You are asking for something not humanly possible ... You are asking for perfection and I can't give this ..." My attention was drawn to Ez 36:26-27, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and keep my laws ..."

Wow ... what an awesome God we have ... he is not asking for sinless perfection here ... he just wants our heart and our spirit. He wants to permeate every area of our lives.

5. Acknowledge him ...
Acknowledge WHO? Acknowledge HIM! How many times do we (in a very subtle, roundabout manner) go, "well I prayed and then God moved ... " Its okay to acknowledge God's answer to prayer but don't forget that scripture tells us his blessings fall on the righteous and the unrighteous. It's not because of us people. It's because of HIM.

I don't know about you, but the way I often live this scripture is, "Trust in the Lord with some of my heart, and lean entirely on my own understanding!" Having read and meditated on this scripture, I thought it was pretty awesome. On Wednesday, it was payday and I was a little desperate. My car had 1/4 tank of petrol in it (I used a tank a week going back and forth to the offices, let alone any running around I had to do in addition to work). My sister was coming to visit from Australia and I needed money for parking at the airport, as well as money to have dinner with them. I rang up my bank account and to my horror, there had been $30 of unexpected bank fees and charges. I can still remember the frozen panicked feeling. I would not have enough money to meet all my expenses again. And this time, I had no way around it. I had come to the end of my plans and my thinking. I remember being in tears and saying to God, "but I can't go without food another week (not a great idea when you are seriously anaemic which I was at the time)." As clear as anything, "I sensed his quiet voice saying, "and whose idea was that Sarah? I did not ask you to do that. You just tried to orchestrate things your own way and left me out of the picture." Ouch! Butt seriously kicked and I was chastened.

On Friday that week, I was reading in Proverbs 3 again and this time, vs 9 - 10 jumped out at me: "Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing and your vats will brim over with new wine." Again, I was pulled up short as I was not tithing when money was really tight. I sensed that God was saying that he wanted me to put $20 in the offering Sunday as a commitment to trusting him. Okay ... now I have $50 less than I need to meet all my basic expenses (not counting airport and dinner with my sis). Again I struggled and wrestled. As Sunday came, I put that tithe in the offering and pledged my trust to God once more.

On Sunday night an elderly couple at church gave me $10 because they felt led to. (They were pensioners and this was sacrificial giving for them.) On Tuesday I came out of a meeting and when I opened my Bible there was more money in it! Amazingly, my quarter tank of petrol lasted me until the next pay day (I kid you not - and this included extra running around over to the North Shore and out to the airport!). I was even able to take a discouraged friend out and treat her to coffee and cake. God met all my needs and then some. A valuable lesson in trust.

And yet, here I am again ... struggling with it. Struggling to trust. Perhaps I am struggling because this isn't just a bigger step. This is uncharted territory. This is something completely out of my control. It is a hearts desire and something that was buried deep in the basement of my life until the past year. It is something that in all honesty I would like to put back in the basement and shut the door on because it hurts. I don't want to dream about it and think about it. I don't want to hear a platitude of, "God will give you the desire of your heart", because do you know what people? Sometimes in life, we don't get to see the fruition of those desires. There is a whole chapter in Hebrews dedicated to the heroes of faith - all of who died having seen it from afar, and not having attained it! I don't want to spend emotional energy contemplating my desire. Actually, in all reality, I would like to go back to Egypt! (It was comfortable there ... cozy and warm ...!) But I can't. And you can't either. The only way to travel is forward, and the only way to walk forward is to trust. When you are struggling with that ... reach up from your pit and cry out for him to lift you out of the mud and mire. He will set your feet upon a rock ... upon THE ROCK, and give you a firm place to stand. He will put a new song in your mouth and people will see who HE is ... Our little mustard seeds of trust are something greatly treasured by God so don't be dis- couraged. Be en-couraged. Let him fill you with HIS courage and dare to dream!

4 Things Meme

2008-01-28T03:11:00.001+09:00

Okay ... I don't normally do these as I try to keep my blog devotional ... but here goes ...

4 jobs I've had:
- Teacher
- Toilet Cleaner (yes, child creche cleaner - 40 toilets every night - ugh)
- Plant seller (know nothing about plants - FAST learner!)
- Church Leader/Intern/Missions Worker (working full time at church)

4 movies watched over and over:
- The Matrix
- The Thomas Crown Affair
- Roswell (does the boxed DVD TV series I own count?)
- A Knights Tale

4 places I've lived:
- Seoul, Korea (current location)
- Valbonne, France (South of France ... suffering for my masters!)
- Alberta, Canada (Rotary Scholarship)
- New Zealand

4 shows I watch:
- House
- Numbers
- *Anything I can find in English on the TV ... lots of channel surfing involved ...

4 places I've been: - (okay I took a bit of liberty here ;) )
- Europe - England, Scotland, France, Germany, Austria, Italy, Czech Rep., Hungary,
- Middle East - Turkey, Egypt
- Asia - Japan, China, Korea, Philippines, Hong Kong, Thailand
- Other - Canada, USA (incl Alaska & Hawaii), NZ, Fiji, Australia

4 people who email me regularly:
- Mum
- Ang
- Julie
- work (enough of those ones!)

4 favorite things to eat:
- fresh pineapple
- cadbury's dairy milk chocolate
- Granite (a frozen slushy southern italian drink made out of fresh lemons)
- Turkish/Middle Eastern food

4 places I'd rather be:
- Sorrento, Italy
- Kayaking Northern Vancouver Island
- My Beach! (Otaki Beach, NZ)
- Sailing on the South Turkey Coast

4 things I look forward to this year:
- holidays!
- a music jam on my birthday
- a visit to Phoenix?!
- a new country to explore

4 people to tag:
- think they are all done! - if not and you are reading this ... YOU!

A Message for The Shepherds

2008-01-28T02:01:00.000+09:00

Currently I am reading an autobiography of Ansel Adams and I have to say, it's an EXCELLENT book. I highly recommend it if you are arty in any way. I keep sticking yellow stickies on it because there is so much I want to revisit and think over. Yesterday, I was reading a passage and it absolutely arrested me.
"There are sheep by the billion, but the shepherds are few. And the shepherds in the modern capitals of the world may lead us either to pasture or to slaughterhouse."

Ezekial had a little something to say about this as well:
Ez 34
1 The word of the Lord came to me: 2 "Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: 'This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? 3 You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. 4 You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. 5 So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. 6 My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them."

This is a scripture I have often thought about. I have been in a shepherding position and I know many of you reading this have been, or are currently. What kind of shepherd are you?

I have been in churches that are running fast and hard - doing fabulous things for the Lord. But, the cost has been high. Leaders and people have fallen alongside the way. The actions of the church have said, "sorry, we can't stop with you. We have places to go and things to achieve. Sorry you are hurt, but we have to keep running." I see this and I think of God's judgement on the shepherds - "you got fat off your sheep." Friends, this mindset is subtle and insiduous. It has no place in our churches and as shepherds, we are called to seek out the lost, the hurting and bring them back into the fold.

Back in the 80s Chuck Girard wrote a song called, Don't Shoot The Wounded. Part of the lyrics go,
Don't shoot the wounded, they need us more than ever.
They need our love no matter what it is they've done.
Sometimes we just condemn them, and don't take time to hear their story.
Don't shoot the wounded, someday you might be one.

Take some time to read the lyrics of the whole song. It really is a word to the Church.

Too often we are good at seeking out the unsaved but we have a lot of lost, hurting and damaged Christians who don't need our judgement. They need our love. They need a good samaritan to stop and bind their wounds - help them to the inn. I really have it on my heart this morning. People matter to God. We know this. But let me tell you that fallen and hurting leaders also matter to God. Those who have encouraged others, who have walked strongly and faithfully but for whatever reason are discouraged and wounded, they need our love, our encouragement. They need someone to stand alongside them when they are battle weary, and hold their arms up when they can do this no longer.

Will you be one who does? Will you be Jesus with skin on?

Well ... DUH! ... and THANKS!

2008-01-28T01:48:00.000+09:00

Hi all

Its currently 2am and I cannot sleep. My body is buzzing ... this was a symptom for me quite a few months last year ... part of the problems arising from my pituitary tumor. However since this type of symptom has next to gone since I started my meds, I have to put it down to the foolishness of drinking not one, but TWO cans of diet coke while playing cards with friends tonight. I am not a coffee drinker and have coke as an occasional treat so ... here we are ... thinking of you all!

Okay ... the above is not the DUH referred to in the heading! The DUH ... is THIS! I have been feeling a wee bit puzzled and discouraged that no-one has been stopping by to leave comments on my blog ... my favourite bit of blogging is the interaction with YOU - the reader ...

So since I am awake and I have something on my heart (next blog), I thought I would start to blog my next blog. Instead I log in and find 16 comments awaiting moderator approval! DUH! I forgot I had to change the settings to this because some stinker spammed my blog!

So here I am in the wee hours of the morning with a BIG smile on my face at your thoughts and introductions. Thankyou one and all ... i will get around to answering these soon. But in short, yes Claire, I am back in Korea and it has been FREEZING ... with the wind chill, quite a few days last week were around -20C. Makes me want to break out in a round of "BrrrRRRR, it's cold in here! There must be a clover in the atmosphere! I said now, BRRRRRR, it's cold in here ..." (see you get me manic when its the middle of the night!).

In answer to those who have been asking about darling wee Ruby, she is a little honey. Her chemo is going well. She is in the midst of a particularly nasty round of treatment that can give her ulcers down her aesophogus and mouth. I think she has three of these treatments left and as of yet she has not got ulcers so this is something to thank God for. She has had several bad infections the last month which has resulted in hospital stays and gastric tubes.

Alrighty ... thats the quick news updates ... Look out for my next posting ... either I will be so wired I will finish it tonight or it will be up in the next few days!

What If God Was One Of Us?

2008-01-26T09:47:00.000+09:00

I was off work sick this week and while laying flat out on my sofa, I was channel surfing on the tv. I could not believe my luck when I came across a movie based on a favorite book of mine - Joshua. (The original book seems to be out of print, but it looks like it is part of this). The premise of the book is Jesus turning up to live in a small community. His name is Joshua. While I do have a couple of theological issues, the book and the movie both captured me because they paint a picture of what would it look like if Jesus lived in my community. Joan of Arcadia tried for a similar thing. Rich Mullins has a fabulous song called Boy Like Me that touches on this same theme. Take a moment to read the lyrics. I love the line: "Well, did You wrestle with a dog and lick his nose? Did You play beneath the spray of a water hose? Did You ever make angels in the winter snow?"

Take a few moments and picture it ... don't picture the Jesus of robes, beards and centuries of paintings. Picture a Jesus of whatever gender, ethnicity, skin colour and clothing that is relevant to where you are. Who is (s)he? (Yes, that can mess with our minds can't it!) What would he be like? What would draw people to him? The thing that comes through in both the book and the movie, is his humour, kindness and love for people. Love, love and love again. Even when challenging, it is done with love for the person and the truth rather than a self righteous finger pointing.

Like in times of old, people were drawn to Jesus. He loved, he cared, he listened. It's an incredibly attractive thing. I know I find myself undone by the love of God. When I stop long enough to be with him, it hits me, and I am completely humbled and undone. And I am drawn. I want more of him.

Here's a thought. We are Jesus with skin on. What does this look like in your world?

Introducing ... YOU!

2008-01-17T05:41:00.000+09:00

I have been doing this blog for just over a year now. One of the things that kept me blogging was the encouragement of my friend Dan. In fact, he really got me started but when i would write and wonder if anyone was reading this, or even interested, Dan would leave comments and i would be encouraged! Not just that this was not a time wasting experience, but he would add thoughts that would spark more thinking in me! It's one of the things I like about blogs. They are a two way communication channel - we are a community and I love seeing other people's perspective on things. If you are not a blogger member you can still leave a comment, just sign in under anonymous!

I notice through my blog counter I have quite a few readers and I don't know who you are! If you are a lurker ... take 2 minutes to introduce yourself and tell me a bit about who you are ... maybe how you came across my blog or what brings you back?! I would really like to meet you.

Road Trippin'

2008-01-16T05:51:00.000+09:00

Sing along ... "hit the road Jack ..." ;)

When I was a child we would sometimes be driving with my Grandfather from Thames to Coromandel. This drive is one of the most gorgeous drives in the North Island of New Zealand. It has stunning scenery and I love to drive beside the little sheltered bays in early evening with the pohutakawas in full bloom. Every time I drive it, I think, "oh ... I had forgotten just how beautiful this is ..."

Anyway, as a child, this was completely wasted on me and I indulged in the question that all grown ups just love to hear ... "how much longer?" And of course, not just once, but many, MANY times. My grandfather always had a response to this question. It went like this: "just up, down and round the corner."

The words of my grandfather have come back to me a lot this past year and they are filled with wisdom. We are all on a journey and sometimes it seems (yes, sing along with me ...) "the road is lo-o-ong ...." But the reality is, our journey is just up, down and round the corner. I have learnt a lot about this watching Ruby fight her Leukemia. There are good days, bad days and days she turns a corner and then repeats ... Life is a journey. Sometimes you are at the top of a hill, sometimes at the bottom and sometimes you turn corners. Unlike the song, "we're on the road to nowhere", you are going somewhere. Be encouraged and don't be despondent. As it says in Hebrews 10:23, "let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful." just what did he promise? Well many, many things but a couple of very important ones that spring to mind are:

Phil 1:6 "be confident of this: he who began a good work in you will see it through to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

You are not forgotten or overlooked by God on your road trip. In Isaiah 49:15-16, he uses the imagery of a mother and baby and says, "can a mother forget a baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands ..."

Sometimes it seems like we are forever on our journey, going round and round the same roundabout. Be encouraged. Don't see it as a roundabout, see it as a spiral road ascending upwards. Yes, you come around the same side as you travel ... yes, the view is similar, but you are climbing higher ... going further each time. As you look ahead, it may seem like you will never arrive, but look back and see how far you have come on your journey.

Praying Karen has been talking a little about seasons and pruning. Sometimes in our pruning season, it may seem like winter and that it is endless. There is a beautiful line in Oscar Wilde's story, The Selfish Giant. Let me set the scene for you. In this story, the giant was selfish and for a long time, his garden was in winter. Autumn would come by delivering fruit to other gardens, look into his garden and say,"he is too selfish, he shall have none." The giant had a miserable time and winter had a hey day (personified by frost, hail, snow and the north wind). Anyway he has a change of heart (read the book, it's inspirational!) and knocks down the wall of his garden to let the children play. Winter loses its grip and spring rules. Many many years go by and then the story picks up again:

"One winter morning he looked out of his window as he was dressing. He did not hate the Winter now, for he knew that it was merely the Spring asleep, and that the flowers were resting..."

I love that line ... spring was asleep and the flowers were resting. The giant had learnt that life has seasons. He had learnt that after every winter, there is a spring and it WILL COME! Listen to the words of Joel 2 and substitute your name in there ...

Joel 2:18-27
"I am sending you grain, new wine and oil, enough to satisfy you fully; Surely he has done great things. Be not afraid (your name). Be glad and rejoice. Surely the Lord has done great things. Be not afraid (your name), for the open pastures are becoming green. The trees are bearing their fruit; the fig tree and the vine yield their riches. Be glad (your name), rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil. "I WILL RESTORE TO YOU THE YEARS THAT THE LOCUSTS HAVE EATEN ... You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you; Then you will know that I am in Israel, that I am the Lord your God,..."

In the travels of your life journey, as you pass through a winter season, remember this and be filled with hope. Spring is coming! It's just up, down and round the corner!

Breathe

2008-01-10T07:20:00.001+09:00

Have you ever been short of breath? I can remember multiple occasions … coming off my pony at high speed and being winded … swimming underwater just a bit too long … that feeling of lungs just screaming for oxygen … the instinct to breathe is life itself.

I have been thinking about breath lately. Recently I was home in New Zealand and while at my Mums, I took every opportunity to be on my beach (she lives 2 doors down) in the evening – generally playing with my camera (see above photo!), but also, just taking in time to stand in the dunes and breathe. Breathe in fresh, glorious New Zealand air, breathe in the space and stillness of the cool of the evening, breathe in the beauty and wonder all around me, breathe in peace. I could have walked and walked on my beach (its possible to walk for hours – that’s the joy of a NZ coastline) but mostly I just wanted to BE when I would get down there. Far from the smog, crowds and frenzied pace of Seoul, my soul rejoiced and drank in the opportunity to be still. There is something incredibly restoring about being in the midst of the beauty of God’s creation.

A quick wee look at Websters dictionary gives some interesting definitions of breathe …
To start with, we have the physical act of inhaling and exhaling. Do you know that many specialists have noted that we do not breathe properly. We get into bad habits of shallow breathing – it’s the minimum we need but it does not give us all we need. I learnt this while taking singing lessons. I would arrive at singing from a day of teaching, and my chest would be tight and I would be doing small top ups of air instead of the deep breaths my body was designed for. Often I was unaware of it and my singing teacher would point it out. I would have to be very conscious and deliberate about the way I breathed. Are you like that in your spiritual walk? Just shallow breathing with God? A little is enough to keep you going? Are you tight and pressured? Take time to stop and breathe deeply.

An additional meaning is simply, “live”. This just makes me think of that scripture that says in him we live, move and have our being. Are you existing, or LIVING?

Another meaning that has become more obsolete over time but really caught me is, “to emit a fragrance or aura”. I have a colleague who has the most incredible sense of smell … any time I wear a perfume, she notices and is able to identify it. If it’s new to her, I tell her once and then she can pick it any time. Do you exude the fragrance of Christ? As you move through your daily life, do people notice it?

Another definition is, “to pause and rest before continuing”. Not much we need to say here is there?! Are you building in those times to pause and rest. Times to just be still and breathe in his presence?

A final definition from Websters: “to feel free of restraint”. This brings me back to those singing lessons and my tight chest from incorrectly breathing. When we stand still in space and take time to breathe, we become free. Think of God’s desire for us, so beautifully expressed in Job 36:16: “I am wooing you from the jaws of distress, bringing you into a SPACIOUS PLACE, FREE FROM RESTRICTION” (caps mine). Why does God want to bring us into this spacious place? Because he DELIGHTS in us! (Ps 18:19).

I had a wee look at some of the scriptures about breathing and there are two very important words for us to be aware of.

Firstly we have Naphach (pronounced naw-phach’). This Hebrew word has multiple meanings but the most common ones are to blow and to breathe. It is the word used in Genesis when God breathed the breath of life into Adam. Interestingly, one of its major connotations is to give up life. We have life because Christ gave his up!

Naphach is also used throughout Ezekial 37 – the dry bones chapter. There is another Hebrew word here that can be used for breath and it is Ruwach (pronounced Ruach). This word means breath, mind, spirit. So when God is saying that he will put his breath in the dry bones and they shall live, he is talking about the very essence of himself. And there it is in a nutshell folks. We live because he gives us life.

How often do you stop to breathe? To be still? Do you slow down enough to realise the screaming in your lungs? Are you desperate for Him to fill you with his breath? His life? His presence? I know that this year, I need to be desperate … I need to spend more time breathing in his word and his presence. How about you?

I will leave you meditating on the lyrics of that beautiful worship song by Marie Barnett. I have linked it to Michael w Smith so take a couple of minutes and just soak in God's presence while you listen ... The words are below if you need them ...
Breathe
This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
You holy presence
Living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word
Spoken to me

And I, I’m desperate for you
And I, I’m lost without you